Seneca said, “The greatest remedy for anger is delay.”
And Proverbs 16:32 says,
“He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” (NKJV)
Attitude defines our happiness. We are the architects of peace in our communities.
Evil attitudes create unhealthy relationships, disturbing the peace in our communities. The UNESCO Constitution preamble states, “Since wars begin in the minds of men, it is in the minds of men that the defenses of peace must be constructed.”
William James said, “The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes.”
Our attitudes, therefore, are important to how we live in our societies.
We reap what we sow. We receive back whatever we give out. “For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you,” (Luke 6:38b; ESV). If you give out hate, you receive back hate. If you give out love, you receive love back. Give out kindness and respect and you will receive the same back.
An angry person will argue and sometimes yell when he or she does not get what he or she wants. In the home, it can create hurt feelings and hinder the resolution of problems.
Do not react immediately when you are angry. Delay your reaction briefly. Analyze how your response might affect the situation. Though you must not compromise the truth, your reaction should contribute to maintaining the existing peace.
In Ecclesiastes 7:9 we read, “Do not hasten in your spirit to be angry, for anger rests in the bosom of fools.” (NKJV)
Anger leads to bitterness. And bitterness clouds our minds, causing us to misinterpret what others say.
Friends sometimes contribute to our negative behaviors. Instead of telling us the truth when we are wrong, they encourage us to hate people we perceive have wronged us. They stoke the fire of anger in us by encouraging us to get angrier, instead of helping us to calm down.
Friends make matters worse if they listen only to one side and give advice that does not take account of the whole matter. We may be encouraged then to become more antagonistic and continue to nurture hatred of the persons we disagree with. Eventually, the hatred can turn into bitterness.
You might have been accused of something you were innocent of. And the more you tried to prove your innocence, the more you were accused! False accusations by your spouse imply that your spouse distrusts you.
People may accuse you of dishonesty when you are doing your best to be honest. But don’t hang on to anger. If you hold on to anger, you may end up becoming bitter and wanting to hit back. Revenge is not the answer. Unfortunately, however, many resort to revenge. Francis Bacon said, “A man that studieth revenge keeps his own wounds green.”
And William Blake said, “The glory of Christianity is to conquer by forgiveness.”
Jesus advises us in Matthew chapter 5,
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? Therefore, you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.” (Matthew 5:43-48; NKJV)
Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Your own mind is a sacred enclosure into which nothing harmful can enter except by your permission.”
If you do not permit anger and evil thoughts to linger inside your mind, they cannot stay in your mind. And if evil thoughts and anger do not linger in your mind, they cannot make you think or do what is evil. Therefore, I do not allow anger and evil thoughts to enter and linger in my mind. I kick them out when I sense them. I allow only positive and constructive ideas in my mind. I refuse to concentrate on negative ideas. I work out the positive ideas into useful plans and projects that will benefit me and the community.
Paul, writing to the Philippians, said,
“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy — meditate on these things.” (Philippians 4:8; NKJV)
Therefore, I allow only positive and healthy thoughts into my mind. I think of the help I can give to people and how I can help sustain peace. I do not focus on the untruths people say about me or other people. I know that with time the lies will dissipate, and people will see the good that I do.
A quote that is sometimes attributed to John Wesley, but which some dispute it was Wesley who said it, states,
“Do all the good you can, By all the means you can, In all the ways you can, In all the places you can, At all the times you can, To all the people you can, As long as ever you can.”
Despite the argument about who said it, the truth of the quote is significant. When people say untruths, boldly, firmly, and in a loving manner, tell them that what they say is not true. Do not try to convince them. Just tell them they are wrong. And do not attack them.
Most people who say negative things about others do not accept corrections. If people decide that they will believe only what they want to believe, there is little you can do to make them see the truth. They might become angrier if you try to make them agree that they are wrong.
Some people never forgive or forget an argument against them. But the Bible advises in Ephesians 4:31-32, “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”
Learn to control your anger, and discard it entirely, otherwise, it can hurt you. The story of Mordecai and Haman is found in the Book of Esther. It tells how anger, bitterness, and resentment eventually led to the hanging of an angry and bitter man, Haman.
Mordecai was good, industrious, and faithful. And Haman was a leading figure in society who loved to see people bow before him. Mordecai, however, would not bow to a fellow human because it was against his faith. His religion taught that he must bow only to God.
Haman, therefore, hated him for that. He nurtured hatred against Mordecai until it transformed his entire personality.
Hatred can make a person narrow his perception of other people. And Haman became so consumed in his anger that he hated, not only Mordecai but all Jews. He turned his energies to victimizing his perceived enemy, Mordecai. He extended that resentment and treatment to all Jews, even though the Jews had not done anything to him personally.
His resentment rose to an uncontrollable level, and he began nurturing the idea of getting rid of Mordecai and the Jews. He meticulously worked out a plan and eventually succeeded in convincing King Ahasuerus to eliminate all the Jews living in the land.
Haman became angrier as Mordecai appeared not to be agitated. Haman could not stand the coolness of Mordecai against his hatred. Mordecai was, however, praying and seeking God’s solution to the problem.
Alexandre Dumas said, “There is nothing more galling to angry people than the coolness of those on whom they wish to vent their spleen.”
While Haman was plotting evil, God caused it to be brought to the notice of King Ahasuerus that Mordecai had thwarted the plans of some people who planned to assassinate the king some years back. And that Mordecai was not rewarded for that heroic deed. The King, therefore, decided to reward Mordecai. And Haman was the man King Ahasuerus told to dress and honor Mordecai. Moreover, the king made Haman lead Mordecai around the city, while Mordecai rode on a horse.
Haman became angrier, went home, and told his wife and friends. They advised him to let the matter die. They told Haman that it was apparent that someone mightier was fighting on behalf of Mordecai against him. And if that was the case, then he would not prevail against Mordecai.
Haman refused to heed the advice. Finally, Haman was hanged on the gallows that he had prepared for Mordecai.
Ann Landers said, “Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head.”
That person is always on your mind, living as a tenant in your head, and not paying rent. Why not eject that person out of your head?
Angry people respond angrily and act out angrily when people disagree with them. Some scream or break things in venting their anger.
Jesus tells us in Matthew 5:9, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God.”
Finally, let us hear what the Bible says in James 1:19-20,
19 “My dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. 20 Your anger can never make things right in God’s sight,” (NLT).