Returning anger for anger does not resolve conflict. If you hit or insult a person in return for what he or she did, he or she will likely retaliate.

Proverbs 24:29, therefore, says, “Do not say, ‘I will do to him just as he has done to me; I will render to the man according to his work,'” (NKJV).

The late Martin Luther King, Jr., said, “Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.”

Aesop illustrates this truth in one of his fables, “The Lion and the Boar.”

On a hot day, a lion and a boar met at a small water body for a drink. They argued and fought about who should drink first. Some vultures on a tree watching them took sides. One side said the lion had the right to drink first, while the other said the boar had the first right to drink.  As they fought on, more vultures gathered. They, too, took sides. The lion and the boar tore at each other as the vultures cheered on. After a while, they were tired and stopped for breath. Then they realized that the vultures were waiting for one of them to die or both to die so they could feast on their carcasses. The lion and the boar then decided that it was best to make up and be friends rather than become food for the vultures. They stopped fighting, drank the water together, and went on their separate ways.

People who encourage you to fight take advantage of you.

When people or countries fight, other people and countries enrich themselves by selling arms to them. After the war, reconstructions take place. And those who stood by watching are the ones who are engaged and paid to do the reconstructions. 

Learn to listen to your angry opponents though you disagree with them. It makes it easier for them to listen to you, too. Listening to your opponent explaining or expressing his or her views will help minimize the conflict.

Let your opponent know that you are interested in what he or she is saying even though you disagree with him or her. This helps to create an opening for you to engage the opponent, and provide the opportunity for you, too, to express your views.

Listening will help you to understand your opponent, even though you may still disagree with him or her. Fault-finding and name-calling will rather ignite more arguments, and intensify your opponent’s anger instead of solving the matter. Everybody believes that he or she is right.

Some people conceal their aggression. They hide their anger and hate. They have what is known as a concealed form of aggression. They express their anger without communicating their feelings directly. It is called passive aggression. The dictionary defines passive aggression as a behavior characterized by indirect resistance to the demands of others while avoiding direct confrontation.

They dish out criticism, using reverse attack, but cannot withstand others critiquing them. They like hurting their opponents. They love to attack the integrity of their opponents or say anything to hurt the emotions of their opponents. They spew out vitriolic words even when they know what they say is not true. They speak like the piercings of the sword, (Proverbs 12:18).

Remain calm and avoid further arguments with them.

Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (NIV)

Don’t let what they say ruffle you. Think before you speak. “The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly. (Proverbs 15:2; NIV)

It will not be easy initially, because as a human being, you will be hurt by their insults. However, if you practice ignoring what they say, the sting in their words will lose its venom and you would not feel the hurt anymore.

Jesus always listened carefully before answering accusers and those who verbally attacked him.

• The Samaritan woman was hostile and sarcastic. But Jesus did not hit back at her. Eventually, he was able to calm her emotions and her prejudice and make her listen to him.
• Some Jews asked him whether it was right to pay taxes to Caesar. Jesus responded wisely by telling them they should give what belonged to Caesar to Caesar and what belonged to God to God. The coin they showed Jesus had Caesar’s image. Human beings, on the other hand, are created in God’s image. It is right to give back to Caesar what Caesar gave you in the form of taxes. But worship belongs to God who created us in his image. Therefore, we must worship only God.

If you make what you present pleasant to people, they will want to listen to you. Then as they are listening, you can help them to understand your point of view. In that, you are helping them to make informed decisions.

Don’t be offended when your opponent suggests alternative opinions to yours. Listen carefully and evaluate what you hear so you can confidently say how yours is right or better. You could also be wrong.

Know when to stop arguing. Proverbs 17:28 says, “Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.” (ESV)

Don’t be sarcastic with your responses. Respect your opponent’s views and intelligence. You are not the only wise person in the world. Don’t be like Job’s friends who regarded themselves as the only wise persons in the world. Job told them, “No doubt you are the people, and wisdom will die with you.”(ESV)

Stop contending with people if you realize that they are not interested in listening to you, and will not allow you to explain your side of the matter. The more you contend with a person disagreeing with you, the more that person rages and fumes.

Proverbs 26:21 says, “A quarrelsome person starts fights as easily as hot embers light charcoal or fire lights wood,” (NLT).