Controlling anger and adverse situations

Seneca said, “The greatest remedy for anger is delay.”

And Proverbs 16:32 says,

“He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” (NKJV)

Attitude defines our happiness. We are the architects of peace in our communities.

Evil attitudes create unhealthy relationships, disturbing the peace in our communities. The UNESCO Constitution preamble states, “Since wars begin in the minds of men, it is in the minds of men that the defenses of peace must be constructed.”

William James said, “The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes.”

Our attitudes, therefore, are important to how we live in our societies.

We reap what we sow. We receive back whatever we give out. “For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you,” (Luke 6:38b; ESV). If you give out hate, you receive back hate. If you give out love, you receive love back. Give out kindness and respect and you will receive the same back.

An angry person will argue and sometimes yell when he or she does not get what he or she wants. In the home, it can create hurt feelings and hinder the resolution of problems.

Do not react immediately when you are angry. Delay your reaction briefly. Analyze how your response might affect the situation. Though you must not compromise the truth, your reaction should contribute to maintaining the existing peace.

In Ecclesiastes 7:9 we read, “Do not hasten in your spirit to be angry, for anger rests in the bosom of fools.” (NKJV)

Anger leads to bitterness. And bitterness clouds our minds, causing us to misinterpret what others say.

Friends sometimes contribute to our negative behaviors. Instead of telling us the truth when we are wrong, they encourage us to hate people we perceive have wronged us. They stoke the fire of anger in us by encouraging us to get angrier, instead of helping us to calm down.

Friends make matters worse if they listen only to one side and give advice that does not take account of the whole matter. We may be encouraged then to become more antagonistic and continue to nurture hatred of the persons we disagree with. Eventually, the hatred can turn into bitterness.

You might have been accused of something you were innocent of. And the more you tried to prove your innocence, the more you were accused! False accusations by your spouse imply that your spouse distrusts you.

People may accuse you of dishonesty when you are doing your best to be honest. But don’t hang on to anger. If you hold on to anger, you may end up becoming bitter and wanting to hit back. Revenge is not the answer. Unfortunately, however, many resort to revenge. Francis Bacon said, “A man that studieth revenge keeps his own wounds green.”

And William Blake said, “The glory of Christianity is to conquer by forgiveness.”

Jesus advises us in Matthew chapter 5,

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? Therefore, you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.” (Matthew 5:43-48; NKJV)

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Your own mind is a sacred enclosure into which nothing harmful can enter except by your permission.”

If you do not permit anger and evil thoughts to linger inside your mind, they cannot stay in your mind. And if evil thoughts and anger do not linger in your mind, they cannot make you think or do what is evil. Therefore, I do not allow anger and evil thoughts to enter and linger in my mind. I kick them out when I sense them. I allow only positive and constructive ideas in my mind. I refuse to concentrate on negative ideas. I work out the positive ideas into useful plans and projects that will benefit me and the community.

Paul, writing to the Philippians, said,

“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy — meditate on these things.” (Philippians 4:8; NKJV)

Therefore, I allow only positive and healthy thoughts into my mind. I think of the help I can give to people and how I can help sustain peace. I do not focus on the untruths people say about me or other people. I know that with time the lies will dissipate, and people will see the good that I do.

A quote that is sometimes attributed to John Wesley, but which some dispute it was Wesley who said it, states,

“Do all the good you can, By all the means you can, In all the ways you can, In all the places you can, At all the times you can, To all the people you can, As long as ever you can.”

Despite the argument about who said it, the truth of the quote is significant. When people say untruths, boldly, firmly, and in a loving manner, tell them that what they say is not true. Do not try to convince them. Just tell them they are wrong. And do not attack them.

Most people who say negative things about others do not accept corrections. If people decide that they will believe only what they want to believe, there is little you can do to make them see the truth. They might become angrier if you try to make them agree that they are wrong.

Some people never forgive or forget an argument against them. But the Bible advises in Ephesians 4:31-32, “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”

Learn to control your anger, and discard it entirely, otherwise, it can hurt you. The story of Mordecai and Haman is found in the Book of Esther. It tells how anger, bitterness, and resentment eventually led to the hanging of an angry and bitter man, Haman.

Mordecai was good, industrious, and faithful. And Haman was a leading figure in society who loved to see people bow before him. Mordecai, however, would not bow to a fellow human because it was against his faith. His religion taught that he must bow only to God.

Haman, therefore, hated him for that. He nurtured hatred against Mordecai until it transformed his entire personality.

Hatred can make a person narrow his perception of other people. And Haman became so consumed in his anger that he hated, not only Mordecai but all Jews. He turned his energies to victimizing his perceived enemy, Mordecai. He extended that resentment and treatment to all Jews, even though the Jews had not done anything to him personally.

His resentment rose to an uncontrollable level, and he began nurturing the idea of getting rid of Mordecai and the Jews. He meticulously worked out a plan and eventually succeeded in convincing King Ahasuerus to eliminate all the Jews living in the land.

Haman became angrier as Mordecai appeared not to be agitated. Haman could not stand the coolness of Mordecai against his hatred. Mordecai was, however, praying and seeking God’s solution to the problem.

Alexandre Dumas said, “There is nothing more galling to angry people than the coolness of those on whom they wish to vent their spleen.”

While Haman was plotting evil, God caused it to be brought to the notice of King Ahasuerus that Mordecai had thwarted the plans of some people who planned to assassinate the king some years back. And that Mordecai was not rewarded for that heroic deed. The King, therefore, decided to reward Mordecai. And Haman was the man King Ahasuerus told to dress and honor Mordecai. Moreover, the king made Haman lead Mordecai around the city, while Mordecai rode on a horse.

Haman became angrier, went home, and told his wife and friends. They advised him to let the matter die. They told Haman that it was apparent that someone mightier was fighting on behalf of Mordecai against him. And if that was the case, then he would not prevail against Mordecai.

Haman refused to heed the advice. Finally, Haman was hanged on the gallows that he had prepared for Mordecai.

Ann Landers said, “Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head.”

That person is always on your mind, living as a tenant in your head, and not paying rent. Why not eject that person out of your head?

Angry people respond angrily and act out angrily when people disagree with them. Some scream or break things in venting their anger.

Jesus tells us in Matthew 5:9, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God.”

Finally, let us hear what the Bible says in James 1:19-20,

19 “My dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. 20 Your anger can never make things right in God’s sight,” (NLT).

Training the Emotions and the Ego

The ego is the sense of a person’s worth. Ego makes us think of how important and valuable we are. Ego is not necessarily bad. Ego is self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-respect. It is not bad to have self-respect or self-esteem. However, a massive ego is bad. An unhealthy ego can prevent us from admitting we are wrong even when it is obvious that we are wrong.

If we allow our ego to dictate how we regard others rather than how they truly are, we have an unhealthy or inflated ego. It becomes detrimental because we see ourselves as more important than others. Such ego makes us arrogant. It makes us see ourselves as superior and others as inferior.

Disagreements are not necessarily bad. But the manner we react when we disagree with people might create conflicts.

Fear is not necessarily bad, but too much of fear is bad. Fear alerts us of danger and makes us to be cautious. Anger can be used to control bad situations or prevent people from doing wrong. Therefore, anger is not necessarily bad if we use it correctly.

We all have an ego to some degree. Neuroscience explains that emotions, which include anger, fear, happiness, feelings, etc., are the brain’s way of responding to situations. Emotions act like signals to what is happening around us. We are emotionally hurt when people say bad things about us. We are unhappy when people lie about us. Or when people look down on us.

However, how we react will also determine what happens next. Our reactions may pour fuel into a small fire and cause a great conflagration.

We do not like people saying things about us that are not true. We do not appreciate people looking down on us. We, too, must respect people. We must learn not to be sarcastic and insulting when we disagree with people. We must be aware of our demeanor towards people and do what we expect them to do to us. Then we would be maintaining peace.

In addressing issues to correct wrong perceptions, we must be civil and not spew vitriolic words. Invectives can shift people’s attention from the reason you responded. It could make people think you are a castigator. And could defeat the reason you responded in that manner. You could lose people’s understanding and support.

The discussion will now be about your response, rather than why you responded. You would now become the villain instead of being the victim.

Do not say or do anything that can be provocative when presenting a case that you want people to listen to and give a fair judgment. If provocations could solve the problem, you wouldn’t be presenting your case for a hearing. Do not do the same things you are condemning the other person of.

Allow the person you are accusing to speak. Don’t prevent him or her from speaking or wanting to deny. Leave the judgment to listeners.

Do not believe what people say about your opponent without giving the person the chance to defend or explain himself or herself. If the person denies what you were told, and you have not verified it, you cannot know who is telling the truth. Until you verify it, don’t believe only the accusers. Anyone of them could be lying. Until you have gotten the truth, don’t believe only one side. Proverbs 18:17 says, “He that speaks first in his own cause seems just; until his neighbor comes and examines him,” (KJ2000).

Do not direct your anger towards the person. Focus on the problems and the answers. If you fan the conflict, you make it difficult to manage and solve. Moreover, you cannot solve conflict if you refuse to listen to your opponent.

Ego does not want us to listen to the negative things people say about us. The negative things they say prick our conscience. If it is true that we do not treat people fairly, we will struggle to listen to people telling us. But if we train our mind we can learn to listen. And if we listen, we can make corrections and maintain relationships.

We may be embarrassed when people tell us what we are doing is wrong. And instead of listening, we may react wrongly and refute the accusation.

Most people can’t bear to hear the truth about themselves when the truth about them is negative. Yet they want to tell others how wrong others are. Our ego drives us on the ego trip, and we refuse to listen to our spouses when they complain about how we treat them. We feel insulted or embarrassed when our spouses tell us we are wrong. We don’t want to hear others tell us we are wrong. We want to be the only ones telling people how they are wrong.

Our ego will not let us listen. Yet we want our spouses to listen to us complain about them. We do not want to consider that how we treat our spouses, and others, might be making them uncomfortable. But we want them to listen to us complain that we are uncomfortable with how they treat us.

We say negative things about our opponents and want them to listen. But when they, too, tell us how they feel, then we become angry. We can’t, or don’t want to, listen when we are accused of wrongdoing. But we want people to listen when we accuse them of wrongdoing.

We want our spouses to listen to our rants but cannot listen to them express their disagreements with us. Ego has become our self-importance. We tell others how we think about them, and advise them to change their behaviors. Yet we are upset or embarrassed when people tell us the truth about our negative behaviors.

Ego tells us we are too important and superior to listen to people advising us to behave. Ego tells us they are inferior; they must not tell us we are wrong.

Therefore, instead of listening and evaluating what we hear, we disagree with people when the truth is told about our behaviors or character.

When politicians are on their campaign trail, they say anything to hurt their political opponents’ reputations.

When I hear what they say against each other, I wonder if the people making those statements have a conscience.

Some people believe their lies even when they know what they say is absurd. They appear to believe what they say against their fellow human beings even when it is obvious that they are lies. They say anything to gain the upper hand against their fellow human beings.

Do such people have a conscience?

When similar things are said about them, they cry blue murder. They rant and shout about how they have been wrongly accused and maligned. They demand an immediate retraction.

Can people like that be honest leaders? If a person can lie to get what he or she wants, won’t he or she lie to kill when desperate?

George Orwell stated in his essay, “Politics and the English Language,”

“Political language is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind.”

We live in an age that glorifies lies and supports evil. People are eager to promote lies. In our modern societies, truthful people are regarded as abnormal or weird.

As children observe their parents and older people lie, they imitate and when they grow up, they, too, become liars.

Truth is a strange concept to many people. Some people lie to gain popularity.

People, mostly politicians, who are eager to tarnish the reputations of their opponents, are quick to use anything they hear against their opponents. They do not consider that their opponents will use the same dirty tactics to play against them tomorrow. If you use dirty tactics against your opponents to gain power, your opponents will also use similar tactics to wrest power from you tomorrow.

Instead of hating and planning evil against fellow human beings, use your time for positive achievements. Attitude is a major determinant of success or failure.

Have a positive attitude. Be self-disciplined. Restrict yourself from doing negative or evil things… obey principles.

I read a quote on the internet about a successful businessman who was asked, “How have you done so much in your lifetime?”

He replied, “I grow great by dreams. I have turned my mind loose to imagine what I wanted to do. Then I have gone to bed and thought about my dreams. In the night I dreamt about my dreams. And when I awoke in the morning, I saw the way to make my dreams real. While other people were saying, ‘You can’t do that, it is impossible,’ I was well on my way to achieving what I wanted.”

From the answer he gave, he did not waste his time musing about how the world is full of hardships. He did not waste his time planning how to hate others. He was not musing about the negative things and lies he could say about people who did not treat him with respect. He planned, worked hard and diligently to excel. He rejected negative emotions.

Emotion is a strong feeling… hatred, love, joy, anxiety, anger, sorrow, or fear. Emotions stir up feelings. The feelings may be positive or negative

Our motions can influence our decisions and make us act rightly or wrongly, and the results may be good or bad. Bad emotions, like uncontrolled anger, destroy relationships.

We communicate with our emotions when we express what we like or do not like. Depending on how we react emotionally, we may destroy or maintain cordial relationships. People have destroyed their relationships with loved ones because of their inability to control their emotions.

We all have strong feelings. Sometimes, we experience a battle of the emotions. Some people, however, have learned to control their emotions and so can maintain relationships with people.

There is an old Cherokee Indian fable about the two emotions battling inside each of us.

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, “My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.

“One is Evil – It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

“The other is Good – It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

Many people are unable to control their emotions. They let their anger go out of control.

Marriages have broken down because of uncontrolled emotions.

The good news is that we can undo habits just as we formed them.

The choices that we made became part of our daily lives. They became our habits and behaviors. But we can make choices to undo them.

Habitual behavior sometimes goes unnoticed in persons exhibiting them. An angry person can be emotionally angry at the least trigger.

However, we were not born that way. We grew up learning and practicing them. We planted or sowed them, and they took root in our minds, and we nurtured them in the brain as we practiced them. Then they grew into habits, or they become characteristics in our lives.

The brain adapts to new ways of thinking and believing. So, our brains adapted to the new behavioral thoughts that we trained our minds to accept. As we repeated the actions or performed them, they eventually became ingrained in the brain as habits or behaviors.

A person learns to smoke and becomes addicted to smoking. A person learns to drink and becomes addicted to drinking. In the same way, people become addicted to drugs. Then we start behaving in the new way — and a new habit or character is formed. Like a person who learns and practices boxing, football (soccer) or any game or trade, and becomes perfect. These actions or behaviors become automatic and almost effortless, and we became identified with them.

Romans 12:2 says we are transformed by the renewing of the mind. And Ephesians 4:23 also says we are renewed in the spirit of the mind. That is, we develop character by renewing and transforming our mentality.

Some habits may take longer to change. But anyone who is determined can change.

When we practice something, we become better at doing it. So, if we practice delaying reacting when our emotions rise, we eventually learn to delay reacting. The more you practice the easier it becomes subsequently and eventually it turns to become a new character or behavior.

Proverbs 16:32 says, “He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” (NKJV)

And Proverbs 19:11 says, “The discretion of a man delays his anger, and it is his glory to overlook a transgression.”

We must settle whatever grievances with have with people as quickly as possible. We must settle misunderstandings before we go to bed and after we have forgiven and made reconciliation. So, we read in Ephesians 4:26-27 that we must not let the sun go down on our anger.

A scientific paper was published, confirming why we should not go to bed without resolving our anger, and confirming the advice in Ephesians 4:26-27 that we should not let the sun go down on our anger.

The article appeared on Science Alert webpage titled, “We now have scientific evidence for why you should never go to bed angry.” It read,

Scientists have found that sleep actually consolidates bad memories, making you live with them for longer. Sleep’s role in helping us consolidate our memories is vital in how we process and store useful information, but a new study shows that the same principle applies to negative thoughts – if we fall asleep with them, they can be harder to forget in the long term. (You may read the report on https://www.sciencealert.com/we-now-have-scientific-evidence-for-why-you-should-never-go-to-bed-angry.)

The research reflects the advice in Ephesians 4:26-27, “Be angry, and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.”

And in James 1:19-20 we read, “Therefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger: for the anger of man works not the righteousness of God,” (KJ2000).

Learn to deal with anger quickly, discard it before the sun sets, and before you go to bed. Learn to control your emotions and ego.

Suspicions Can Be Dangerous!

Suspicions can be dangerous. Mostly suspicions are just mere suspicions that have not been confirmed. Yet people tend to believe them as factual.

Generalized suspicions have caused hostilities among people, destroyed relationships, and wrecked homes.

The indwelling of God’s Spirit transforms our spirits and empowers us to love each other as God loves us. The Holy Spirit enables us to live righteous lives. Milk turns water milky and tasty like milk. Similarly, the Holy Spirit transforms the human spirit and gives the human spirit divine power. The water does not change itself. It is the milk that transforms the water. In the same manner, the Holy Spirit transforms the human spirit (Acts 2:4). Jesus said, you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you (Acts 1:8).

Among Christians, (and non-Christians), are people who believe that their suspicions are factual revelations of people’s intentions. They believe their suspicions are factual divine revelations from God. And these people have caused unrest in their communities with their so-called revelations.

I live eighty (80) kilometers from Bawku, an area embroiled in conflict. Conflicts have caused peace to elude Bawku and its environs. People live daily in fear of being physically attacked. They live daily in fear of being terrorized by miscreants. Infiltrations by evil-minded people from other communities, some from outside the country, have added to fears as unscrupulous persons take advantage to cause mayhem and panic.

Evil and lawless people, riding on motorcycles, shoot and kill people at random. Even the presence of military personnel has not curbed the violence, nor allayed fears. The situation has resulted in the Government imposing curfews, and sometimes restricting the use of motorcycles. Yet violence and shooting have continued.

The curfew and restrictions make life unbearable. Law-abiding citizens who do not indulge in bad behaviors are also affected by the ban and restrictions.

Countless educational fora and advice by religious bodies, government agencies and NGOs have failed to make violence-minded persons embrace peaceful co-existence.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “People only see what they are prepared to see.” Therefore, making some people to understand and accept peace can be an uphill struggle.

Pete Wehner is a Senior Fellow at the Ethics and Public Policy Center and the director of EPPC’s Faith Angle Forum. He is a writer on political, cultural, religious, and national security issues. He asserts, “As human beings we’re wired to interpret new information as conforming our beliefs and reject it if it runs counter to those beliefs.”

People readily reject beliefs or ideas that do not conform to what they want.

Young ones look unto the elderly as role models. They learn from what the elderly do. They grow up emulating the elderly. In communities associated with violence, elderly ones with violent mindset usually urge children and the young ones to be hard and fight all who offend or oppose them. They instigate violence by urging them to resist violence with violence. They urge them to be brutal and offensive against people who oppose them.

Children growing up in these communities, therefore, unconsciously train their minds to respond angrily to whatever they do not like and end up patterning their minds with violent thoughts. Each time a child emphasizes on violence, the child enhances the violent habit. As the child grows up, he or she learns to live as a violent individual, distrusting people, getting angry easily, and relegating patience to the background. He or she grows up believing that patience is a sign of cowardice.

Thus, we are constantly creating violent, impatient and non-forgiving societies.

Sadly, the canker of suspicion has engulfed the Christian community, too. And some Christian leaders believe their suspicions are revelations or divine inspirations from God. These religious leaders equate their unhealthy suspicious feelings and thoughts with the Word of Knowledge. And others equate them with prophecy (1 Corinthians 12:8,10).

I know a Christian woman who suspects everybody who disagrees with her. When anyone says something that displeases her she jumps to the conclusion the person is insinuating her. I have explained to her that she should first analyze her feelings and thoughts and pray about them before conjecturing. I tell her to ask anyone she suspects has defamed her for clarification before concluding that she is right in her accusations. But she rejects my advice.

Neil Strauss said, “People believe what they want to believe. And what they want to believe is whatever allows them to justify what they want to do.”

Her suspicions of people make her to hate people. Especially those who disagree with her. She even suspects her husband to be a womanizer. Her proof is only her suspicions. Her behavior makes her husband now to suspect that she could be living with a guilty conscience. People who struggle with a guilty conscience because of what they have done, tend to suspect every other person. They reason that if they could cheat on their spouses, then it is possible that their spouses, too, might cheat on them. Liars struggle to believe others. Liars use themselves as the standard to judge others.

Some people will never accept anything that is not what they believe. Francis Bacon said, “Man prefers to believe what he prefers to be true.”

If you suspect that someone has offended you, go to that person and tell him or her what you suspect. Enquire from the person if what you suspect is true. Jesus tells us to deal with problems by talking to people we think have offended us, (Matthew 18:15-17).

Do not aver that your suspicions against people are factual until after you have authenticated your suspicions.

Suspicions start in the inner space of our being (our mind). Some people feel that the spirit is speaking to their inner being. And some pastors and prophets believe that these feelings and thoughts are inspirations of God’s Spirit speaking within their spirits.

Moreover, people who do not live righteously see all others the same way. If they are dishonest, they consider all (or most) people to be dishonest. Therefore, they can’t believe that other people can have high moral principles. They think every person has low moral principles as they have.

But they are wrong because there are many people who are righteous and who will not compromise their integrity.

Participants in conflicts tend to respond based on their own feelings of the situation, rather than an objective review of the situation. We don’t see other people’s point of view when we allow emotions to dictate our responses. We must, therefore, learn to control our emotions. We must learn to take logical approaches in dealing with happenings we don’t like.

On June 7, 2012, there was a news report from the Central Region in Ghana that two people had been killed in ethnic clashes between indigenous Fantes and Ewe settlers at Ekumfi Narkwa, in the Mfantseman District.

The clashes ensued when a 50-year-old man, who was the Ebusuapanyin (the head of the family) of the Narkwa royal house, was beheaded by unknown assailants. His mutilated body was buried in his coconut plantation. Initially his body was found without the head.

Five others sustained gunshot injuries and were receiving treatment at the hospital.

The police reported that the Fantes suspected the Ewe settlers of the murder. Relying on suspicion and not on facts, the Fante indigenes ran riot and torched seven thatched houses belonging to the Ewes. A second report later gave the number of houses burnt as eight.

The Ewes retaliated in defense. Later reports revealed that several more people sustained various degrees of injuries.

The Daily Graphic, on 12 June 2012, reported that two suspects, Kweku Mensah, 37, a coconut seller, and native of Narkwa, and his 30-year-old sister, Aba Koba, were arrested for the murder. Mensah led a team of policemen to the location where he buried the severed head.

The suspects, Kweku Mensah and Aba Koba, were not Ewes. Yet the Fantes had earlier suspected that the murderer was an Ewe. If the indigenes had delayed action, or done the right thing by allowing the police to do their work, innocent lives would have been saved, and damage to houses would have been averted.

Investigations revealed that Kweku Mensah, a coconut seller, often went into the coconut plantation of the murdered person, Eguasia, to steal coconuts to sell. And Eguasia had confronted and warned Mensah severally to stop stealing from his farm.

On Wednesday, June 6, 2012, Eguasia went to his coconut plantation and saw Mensah plucking his coconuts. A confrontation ensued. Mensah managed to overpower Eguasia and beheaded him. He dug a grave near the farm, buried the head and covered it. He then buried the body on top of the head in the same grave.

Mensah then took Eguasia’s mobile phone home and gave it to his sister, Aba Kobah. Aba Kobah warned Mensah not to tell anybody about the incident else the people of the community would lynch him.

The police later had information that a woman was in possession of the deceased’s mobile phone. So, the Police made calls to the phone. Kobah kept misleading the police as to who she was and where she lived. Eventually, the police were able to arrest Mensah and Kobah, and the two confessed.

Proverbs 29:11, “A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back,” (ESV). And in Proverbs 17:27-28 we read, “Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent,” (ESV).

If the Fante indigenes had restrained themselves and not attacked the Ewe settlers, violence would have been averted.

Ralph Waldo Emerson rightly said that “People only see what they are prepared to see.” And Francis Bacon said people prefer to believe what they want to be true.

Suspicions can be dangerous. Suspicions generate anger. And anger can generate hate. As happened between the Fante indigenes and the Ewe settlers, anger and hate can generate conflict, and can cause destruction, pain and even deaths.

Jesus said whenever we think someone has offended us, we should reach out to the person, discuss the issue with the person, and settle the matter (Matthew 18:15-17).

When we pray, the Holy Spirit synchronizes the words of our petitions (or declarations), taking into consideration our attitudes or inner character (Jeremiah 17:10; Job 34:11), and God then gives us our answers, (Job 22:28; John 14:10, 13-16; John 16:24).

The Holy Spirit cannot perform freely in our lives while we are living unrighteous lives. The indwelling Holy Spirit cleanses us of impurities if we allow the Holy Spirit free access in our lives. He transforms our lives by cleansing us of our unrighteousness, (1 John 1:9). And we receive from God our prayer requests.

The Holy Spirit detests lies, hate, bitterness, and all negative attitudes. Lies are lies; there are no big or small lies, and no white or black lies. All lies contaminate our souls and do not allow the Holy Spirit free access to our spirits. And so, a person who bears false witness against another is a club, a sword, and a sharp arrow (Proverbs 25:18).

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Nothing can stop you from reaching success if your mind is decided

Failure can be reversed, so don’t let it make you angry. Keep pushing forward towards success.

Some people are upset when they fail in a venture or enterprise. A failure should not mean the end of a venture or enterprise. You can try again and succeed in later attempts.

Nothing can stop you from reaching success if your mind is decided. God defined your destiny before he formed you in your mother’s womb. If you put your faith into action, you will reach the height you envisaged. Despite the hard knocks of life, you can climb the ladder to success. It might take a long time for you to get there because of the lack of finances or some physical conditions you might have. But you will surely get there, even if you must crawl.

Do not stop even when circumstances make you crawl. Keep moving till you reach your goal. “For as the body apart from the spirit is dead, so also faith apart from works is dead.” (James 2:26; ESV) Faith will keep you going.

If you believe in your vision, you will work assiduously to make it happen. And God will be by you to confirm his word. (Mark 16:20; Acts 14:3)

Determination and perseverance will decide how you succeed or fail.

Thomas Edison made thousands of attempts when working on the light bulb. Later a journalist asked him how he felt when he failed a thousand times. Edison replied he did not fail a thousand times. Those were 1,000 ways he learned would not work. He said, “The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.”

Thomas Edison was not upset anytime an attempt proved wrong. He did not lose face. He knew he could try as many times as possible until he got it right. And he did.

In Genesis 4:6-7 we read,

“The LORD said to Cain, ‘Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.’” (ESV)

Cain and Abel were two brothers who presented offerings to God. God respected Abel and his offering but rejected Cain’s offering. Cain was not happy and was angry with his brother. But God told him that he was wrong to be angry or upset. If he did what was right his offering would be accepted.

The bottom line was that Cain did not do what was right to receive a favorable response from God. But instead of addressing the issue, Cain vented his anger on his brother Abel.

It was not Abel who rejected Cain’s offering. God rejected the offering. Therefore, Cain should have directed his anger to God. But he misdirected his anger and vented his anger on Abel.

God told Cain he was wrong to vent his anger on his brother. Besides, he wasn’t even right to be angry at all. God would have responded favorably to him and accepted his offering if he did the right thing. When Thomas Edison made corrections, he eventually got the light bulb right.

Many people express their anger wrongly and aggressively and hurt (mostly) innocent people.

Anger is an emotional response to threats. We may use anger as a defense when attacked, insulted, or mistreated. Some people, however, do not use anger rightly. Like Cain was angry with his brother.

Lack can make some people angry. Lack of money limits people’s ability to do what they want. And some people are angry when they can’t get what they want. Lack of confidence can also make a person believe that he or she cannot achieve his or her ambitions. This may also make some people who think they are stuck in their hole angry and bitter. And make them envy those who are successful.

Certainly, money makes success easy. However, without money, you can still achieve success. Otherwise, we would not hear stories of people rising from “rags to riches.”

You may lack funds now to execute your project or business. That doesn’t mean your vision should perish. It is a temporary failure, not a permanent one.

Have faith in God. You can put it on the back burner for a while. Not because it has lost its importance, but because of the lack of funds. It could take months, and sometimes even years before you might come back to it. But no matter how long it takes, you will come out someday and shine.

Just don’t give up. Your present lack of funds should not be the demise of your vision. Consider it a temporary setback and keep it on the back burner until you can raise funds to continue the project. But your vision stays. A genuine vision should not die. Years that pass may refine, or even redefine it into a new or different project. But the vision should not die. Genuine visions do not die easily.

Violent people express their anger through aggressive behaviors. Non-violent people, on the other hand, control their anger and are non-aggressive when they express their anger. Though they may not like what is done to them, or said about them, they have control over their emotions and so can express their anger without being violent.

Some people become volatile when they are upset. When they don’t achieve a purpose, they lose face, and in their anger, they hurl invectives. They resort to incendiary rhetoric to even the scores or make others feel as bad as they feel. Even those who did not cause their problem are not spared.

Incendiary remarks are the fuel that ignites conflicts. The remarks act like petrol on fire and make the fires of hate and conflict burn intensely.

In their efforts to prove their religions superior, some religious advocates use inflammatory remarks on people who hold contrary views. Some politicians also spew out invectives at each other on radio and television.

Jesus taught us not to be antagonistic or inflammatory.

We can always try again whenever we do not achieve the results. If there are corrections to be made, make them, and try again.

Certain places are notorious for conflicts and are regarded as flash points. Unfortunately, people in such areas use inflammatory speeches instead of toning down their discussions.

Religious militants display confrontational attitudes when advocating their religious doctrines. They are angry and violent when people don’t accept their doctrines. Instead of using persuasive and intelligent discourse, they spew out vituperations against other religions.

Attacking the beliefs of your opponent is not peaceful dialogue. You are pouring fuel onto a fire. And you make people dislike you when you do that.

John Locke, writing in 1689, asserts that, “… true and saving religion consists in the inward persuasion of the mind, without which nothing can be acceptable to God.” And that, “Confiscation of estate, imprisonment, torments,” can never really make people “change the inward judgment that they have framed of things,” (unquote… from “A Letter Concerning Toleration,” page 20, published in Buffalo, New York by Prometheus Books, 1990).

Do Not Use Compulsion.

Religious militants believe that polemics is the right way to prove their religions as the best. They insult and attack other people’s beliefs.

Discuss the essence of your religious beliefs convincingly.

Some people do not know how to present their views convincingly, and so resort to insults. They use physical violence to compel people to accept what they are offering.

Christians, however, have been recommended to emulate Jesus in convincing their listeners. Jesus was not antagonistic and was not violent. He was peaceful. He is the Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6)

As you believe in your opinions and religion so also your opponent believes in his or her opinions and religion. Using force will not make your opponent understand your views. Use persuasion and logic to convince your listeners.

Jesus used logic, wisdom, persuasion, and love to make the Samaritan woman listen to him (John 4:6-42). Paul used the same method when he spoke to the Epicurean and Stoic philosophers at the Areopagus (or Mar’s Hill – Acts 17:22-34). Though some mocked him, many believed him. You may not win all, but you will win some. Those who could not understand his resurrection statement told him he could come again another day to explain that.

You may have the truth, but listeners will not be convinced if you cannot articulate your message wisely. Religious militants and politicians who cannot articulate their views convincingly resort to lies and vituperations. They use violence and aggression to force people to obey or accept.

When politicians use provocative words against their opposers they argue that they are exercising their rights and freedom of speech. Freedom of speech, or the right to free speech does not mean one should use insulting language to express one’s views or disagreements. Use persuasion to speak to the minds of listeners. That will help them to make informed decisions. And they won’t feel they have been coerced to accept your views.

Persuasion, however, must be sincere, without manipulation. You must be able to explain the sincerity of your beliefs.

Anger is a normal emotion that we can use to stop people from doing wrong. Anger becomes a problem and abnormal when it gets out of control and turns violent. Then it becomes destructive.

Do not be angry if things do not go the way you want. Anger by itself does not solve problems. God told Cain, “If you do well you shall be accepted.”

Do not use anger as an excuse to hit a fellow human. Always express your anger positively. Talk about what you don’t like and how you feel you have been wronged. Using the positive method will get you favorable or good responses.

Some people are frustrated and angry because of their physical conditions. Some are even angry with God because of their physical disabilities or because of poverty. They vent their anger on everyone and blame others for their lack or inability to be like others. Envy makes them regard the world and everyone as enemies.

You, too, can become successful if you are determined to be successful.

Physical challenges and lack of finances are not permanent disabilities that should prevent you from excelling or from becoming successful in your endeavors. They will delay your success but can’t stop you. Nothing can stop you from reaching your financial and spiritual goals if you decide in your mind and believe in your heart that you can be successful.

Many successful people you see today were once like you. Some of them labored for other people, doing menial jobs to buy bread for survival. Some lived without food for days. Some slept on the streets, at bus stops, and other open spaces with the sky for their roofs.

Don’t be upset when things don’t happen the way you expect. Don’t lose face when you try and fail to get to the top. Don’t feel humiliated. Defeats or failures are temporary. Let them spur you on to get back on your feet. Don’t be ashamed when you have those temporary failures. You can always spring back onto your feet and continue pursuing your goal (Job 5:19; Proverbs 24:16).

You will surely rebound when you fall because God takes note of what you do.

“For God is not unfair. He will not forget how hard you have worked for him and how you have shown your love to him by caring for other Christians, as you still do.” (Hebrews 6:10; NLT)

Therefore, don’t be angry when things don’t happen as expected. Everything will be all right if you patiently endure. Always do what is right. Faith and perseverance will take you to your goal.

It may take years to reach the top. And the going will be tough and unpleasant. But a sweet ending awaits you.

Some people may not believe in you. And some who believe in you may not be able to aid you. Believe in yourself, be committed to your cause, and do what is right. Friends who believe in you will be praying for you. They might not be able to support you financially, but their prayers will touch God and goodness and mercy will follow you. God, the ultimate provider, will give you the provision.

God cares even when people do not consider you. He knows your heart. He provided for others. He will provide for you, too.

The night may be too long and lonely. But Jesus will always be by your side. He will guide you if you ask him. He will encourage you and lead you to success.

Live an honest life before God. God searches our hearts and gives us what we truly deserve (Jeremiah 17:10; Romans 2:6).

Hebrews 10:35-39

35 “Do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord, no matter what happens. Remember the great reward it brings you! 36 Patient endurance is what you need now, so you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised. 37 ‘For in just a little while, the Coming One will come and not delay. 38 And a righteous person will live by faith. But I will have no pleasure in anyone who turns away.’ 39 But we are not like those who turn their backs on God and seal their fate. We have faith that assures our salvation.” (NLT)

Some people look at their conditions and slump into self-pity. They are convinced that they cannot do anything worthwhile. When help is delayed, they lose hope. But you should not lose hope for God is waiting to help you.

Some people do not even suffer from physical challenges, yet they give up hope and consider themselves incapable when they meet challenges.

God gives strength and ability to the weak and the physically challenged.

The Rev. Dr. Christian Adjei, who has gone to be with the Lord, was my lecturer at the Ghana Christian College and Seminary, now Ghana Christian University. The Rev. Dr. Adjei told me one day in class that I had great potential. I had just given a presentation. After listening to and evaluating my presentation, Rev. Dr. Adjei told me I would achieve great heights and travel internationally if I continued to work assiduously.

I had no financial support. I struggled to feed myself and buy clothing to wear. By the grace of God, the college had absorbed my tuition and lodging fees. That provided some relief. But I still needed to cater for myself in other ways.

Rev. Dr. Adjei himself surmounted physical challenges to rise to the top. He had polio at a tender age and his legs were crippled, compelling him to a wheelchair for the rest of his life.

He did not give up on life. He studied assiduously and eventually gained a doctorate. Proverbs 18:14 says, “The spirit of a man will sustain him in sickness, but who can bear a broken spirit?”

What the Reverend Dr. Adjei said about me indeed happened. I studied assiduously, gained a scholarship in the United States, and secured degrees up to the Doctoral level. I have lectured in tertiary institutions in Ghana and Singapore. I have given lectures, and academic presentations and preached in the US, and the UK. Other countries I have also been to are France, The Philippines, The Netherlands, Nigeria, Cote d’Ivoire, and Zimbabwe, among others.

Your desire may take time to materialize because you presently lack funds. But Jesus said, “…If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes,” (Mark 9:23).

Keep yearning, thinking, and believing in your heart, wanting to achieve the best. Pull yourself together to do what you want. Your entire personality will pattern itself to the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs of your heart. Your mind and body follow the dictates of your heart. You will achieve your desire according to how strong your heart yearns, and how enthusiastic you are.

Proverbs 23:7 — “… as he thinks in his heart so is he…” People strive hard to get what their hearts yearn for. That is why some, unfortunately, will even kill or use their children, spouses, or relatives, for rituals to gain wealth.

The heart and the mind dictate or influence our passions. The mind conceives the idea and sows it in the heart. It germinates and grows into a strong desire. And the whole human personality is influenced to do what the heart dictates. Use this power that is in you for positive things. Shun the negative.

Be strong in your mind and body. The journey is long, and the lack of funds is hitting you vehemently. But you can do the impossible through Christ who strengthens you (Philippians 4:13).

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How To Deal With Disagreements

Returning anger for anger does not resolve conflict. If you hit or insult a person in return for what he or she did, he or she will likely retaliate.

Proverbs 24:29, therefore, says, “Do not say, ‘I will do to him just as he has done to me; I will render to the man according to his work,'” (NKJV).

The late Martin Luther King, Jr., said, “Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.”

Aesop illustrates this truth in one of his fables, “The Lion and the Boar.”

On a hot day, a lion and a boar met at a small water body for a drink. They argued and fought about who should drink first. Some vultures on a tree watching them took sides. One side said the lion had the right to drink first, while the other said the boar had the first right to drink. As they fought on, more vultures gathered. They, too, took sides. The lion and the boar tore at each other as the vultures cheered on. After a while, they were tired and stopped for breath. Then they realized that the vultures were waiting for one of them to die or both to die so they could feast on their carcasses. The lion and the boar then decided that it was best to make up and be friends rather than become food for the vultures. They stopped fighting, drank the water together, and went on their separate ways.

People who encourage you to fight take advantage of you.

When people or countries fight, other people and countries enrich themselves by selling arms to them. After the war, reconstructions take place. And those who stood by watching are the ones who are engaged and paid to do the reconstructions.

Learn to listen to your angry opponents though you disagree with them. It makes it easier for them to listen to you, too. Listening to your opponent explaining or expressing his or her views will help minimize the conflict.

Let your opponent know that you are interested in what he or she is saying even though you disagree with him or her. This helps to create an opening for you to engage the opponent, and provide the opportunity for you, too, to express your views.

Listening will help you to understand your opponent, even though you may still disagree with him or her. Fault-finding and name-calling will rather ignite more arguments, and intensify your opponent’s anger instead of solving the matter. Everybody believes that he or she is right.

Some people conceal their aggression. They hide their anger and hate. They have what is known as a concealed form of aggression. They express their anger without communicating their feelings directly. It is called passive aggression. The dictionary defines passive aggression as a behavior characterized by indirect resistance to the demands of others while avoiding direct confrontation.

They dish out criticism, using reverse attack, but cannot withstand others critiquing them. They like hurting their opponents. They love to attack the integrity of their opponents or say anything to hurt the emotions of their opponents. They spew out vitriolic words even when they know what they say is not true. They speak like the piercings of the sword, (Proverbs 12:18).

Remain calm and avoid further arguments with them.

Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (NIV)

Don’t let what they say ruffle you. Think before you speak. “The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly. (Proverbs 15:2; NIV)

It will not be easy initially, because as a human being, you will be hurt by their insults. However, if you practice ignoring what they say, the sting in their words will lose its venom and you would not feel the hurt anymore.

Jesus always listened carefully before answering accusers and those who verbally attacked him.

The Samaritan woman was hostile and sarcastic. But Jesus did not hit back at her. Eventually, he was able to calm her emotions and her prejudice and make her listen to him.
Some Jews asked him whether it was right to pay taxes to Caesar. Jesus responded wisely by telling them they should give what belonged to Caesar to Caesar and what belonged to God to God. The coin they showed Jesus had Caesar’s image. Human beings, on the other hand, are created in God’s image. It is right to give back to Caesar what Caesar gave you in the form of taxes. But worship belongs to God who created us in his image. Therefore, we must worship only God.

If you make what you present pleasant to people, they will want to listen to you. Then as they are listening, you can help them to understand your point of view. In that, you are helping them to make informed decisions.

Don’t be offended when your opponent suggests alternative opinions to yours. Listen carefully and evaluate what you hear so you can confidently say how yours is right or better. You could also be wrong.

Know when to stop arguing. Proverbs 17:28 says, “Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.” (ESV)

Don’t be sarcastic with your responses. Respect your opponent’s views and intelligence. You are not the only wise person in the world. Don’t be like Job’s friends who regarded themselves as the only wise persons in the world. Job told them, “No doubt you are the people, and wisdom will die with you.”(ESV)

Stop contending with people if you realize that they are not interested in listening to you, and will not allow you to explain your side of the matter. The more you contend with a person disagreeing with you, the more that person rages and fumes.

Proverbs 26:21 says, “A quarrelsome person starts fights as easily as hot embers light charcoal or fire lights wood,” (NLT).

Winning without being violent – conquering by love and patience without hating

Winning without being violent and conquering by love and patience makes the world peaceful.

We can win without being violent. We can conquer by love and patience without hating. We do not have to win by violence.

Proverbs 25:15 says, “By long forbearance, a ruler is persuaded, and a gentle tongue breaks a bone.”

By Long Forbearance A Ruler Is Persuaded, And A Gentle Tongue Breaks A Bone (Proverbs 25:15)

Using persuasion takes time. Therefore, violent and impatient people do not want to take that route. Impatient people want immediate results.

Persuasion wins without the ugly consequences associated with violence. It avoids deaths, injuries, and destruction of properties associated with violence.

Jesus taught us to love, to tolerate, and to forgive.

We can’t use hate to make people like us. The more we hate, the more people dislike us and eventually hate us. We convert even our hostile enemies into loving people when they become our friends.

Win without being violent. Conquering by love and patience without hate makes our world peaceful. Therefore, Abraham Lincoln said, “I conquer my enemies when I make them my friends.”

I Conquer My Enemies When I Make Them My Friends (Abraham Lincoln)

Jesus met a Samaritan woman by a well (John4:5-43). The woman was antagonistic and sarcastic.

The situation between the Jews and the Samaritans at the time was almost at the boiling point of hatred. The Samaritan woman saw hate, anger, and vengeance, and so focused on hate, anger, and vengeance. But Jesus ignored her antagonistic stance and took a peaceful approach. Jesus felt the time had come for hate to end. It was time to banish hate by sowing seeds of love. Jesus, therefore, reached out to her with love.

Initially, the Samaritan woman was antagonistic in her response. She reminded Jesus that the situation between the Jews and the Samaritans was hate and anger.

Jesus continued to engage her with love, striving to turn her into a friend. Eventually, Jesus won her confidence and friendship.

We live in an age of hate and violence. People nurture hate and instill anger and hate into their offspring. They train their children to grow up hating people who disagree with them.

Jesus used the story of the Good Samaritan to teach us how we should love and help people. (Luke 10:25-37).

We may disagree with what others like or say. Nevertheless, we should allow them to express their views. We should not be angry when people disagree with our views.

It is right to be unhappy about negative things people say about us or do. However, we should control our emotions not to respond physically and violently. Violent reactions indirectly and wrongly provide proof for the perception that we are angry and violent.

Love conquers

Some people express their feelings through anger and violence. Jesus, however, taught us not to return violence for violence.

In many parts of Africa, communities in rural areas have suffered economic depravity because of conflicts. Economic progress eludes these communities because investors are afraid to invest in such communities. Even indigenes of the communities prefer to invest in other communities rather than in their own.

Terrorists use violence to coerce people.

On September 21, 2013, a group of armed terrorists, the al-Qaeda-linked al-Shabaab, forcefully entered the Westgate Mall in Nairobi’s Parklands area and unleashed senseless violence upon customers and workers.

The al-Shabaab’s quarrel was with the government of Kenya, not with the ordinary people or the shoppers. Yet they unleashed their anger on innocent people who had no part in their quarrel. They thought their actions could coerce the Kenyan Government to kowtow to their demands.

The Westgate Mall massacre, by 2 pm September 22, claimed the lives of 67 people and wounded at least 175. One thousand people were rescued.

What happened in Kenya on September 21, 2013, was similar to what happened in the US on Tuesday, September 11, 2001, when a series of four coordinated terrorist attacks were launched by the Islamic terrorist group, al-Qaeda, upon the United States in New York City, and Washington, D.C. metropolitan area.

Terrorists pick on helpless people while those they have disputes with are untouched. Yet terrorists do not consider that.

Suicide bombers express their grievances by killing innocent and helpless people.

Religious militants attack and kill helpless people to get the attention of governments.

But their actions make people hate them. People do not sympathize with those who hurt them.

Conquer by persuading or by convincing people. Do not use force.

A German proverb says, “Patience is a bitter plant, but it has sweet fruit.” A similar one, “Patience is bitter, but it bears sweet fruit,” has been quoted by some as of Turkish origin, while others have attributed it to Aristotle, or to Jean Jacques Rousseau.

Jesus Christ taught Christians to express their views or beliefs by love. He told Christians, “Love your enemies and do good to those who hate you.”

Jesus used persuasion to win people’s love. He spoke to their conscience. In the face of provocations, Jesus always remained calm and discussed issues so convincingly that his opponents could not ignore them.

A woman was accused of committing adultery and brought before Jesus. The accusers reminded Jesus that the Law of Moses demanded that anyone who committed adultery must be stoned to death.

Jesus did not engage them in a lengthy argument. He did not try to talk to them to forgive the woman. Jesus said, “Anyone among you who has never committed any sin should throw the first stone.”

They all walked away without hurting the woman. Jesus turned to the woman and told her that he, too, was not going to condemn her. However, he advised her to go and sin no more. Though Jesus did not condone what she did and did not condemn her, he told her not to repeat the sin.

Do not allow your emotions to blind your reasoning. With patience, you can use persuasion to make people understand your point and accept your suggestions or views. Persuasion does not force people. If you use persuasion properly, people will not realize you are actually making them do what you want.

You may use force to get what you want. But you would live with the fear that your opponents may hurt you for revenge. You may conquer your opponents by using force and make them serve you. But that will not make them love you.

Violence breeds violence and reprisals. And that can continue without end.

Agree to sit at the negotiating table with your opponent to discuss an amicable end to the conflict or disagreement.

Anger is a difficult emotion to control. Angry people may think they are right when they are actually wrong. Anger overshadows their reasoning.

Many people are egoistic and care only about themselves. Anger, hate, and unforgiveness are always on their minds. They will hurt people and do anything to achieve their aims. They are unforgiving, insulting, sarcastic, and violent. They love hurting people with their words.

We read in Proverbs 12:18, “There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health.” (NKJV)

Our emotions can affect how we process our decisions. Anger can make us make wrong decisions.

In Ephesians 4:22-29, we learn that we should renew the spirit of the mind by putting on the new personality. We must shun anger and all evil practices by living and practicing good deeds.

Uncontrolled anger inspires an aggressive response. When we are angry, what comes first to mind is to fight or attack.

Express your anger assertively without being aggressive. Don’t attack people if you are not happy with what they say. Calmly explain to people how they are not treating you fairly.

We must always remember to control our internal responses to be calm.

Practicing makes action becomes ingrained in the mind and transforms it into habit — Practicing makes action perfect

If you feed your mind with new thoughts and act on them, they will eventually become patterns of behavior. Your new mentality directs you to do things differently.

We, therefore, have the capacity to change. Our habits are the routines of behaviors we repeated regularly until they became embedded in our subconscious mind.

The first step to take to stop being angry is to delay reacting in anger. Seneca said, “The greatest remedy for anger is delay.”

Proverbs 16:32 says, “He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” (NKJV)

Our attitudes define our happiness.

We are the architects of the peace in our communities.

We can win without being violent.

Dealing with Personal Attacks, Overcoming Adversities and Winning Without Being Violent

Dealing with personal attacks, overcoming adversities and winning without being violent, are some challenges many people struggle with daily.

It can be depressing when people blame you for mistakes you have not committed. It pains when you are accused of something you did not do. Some people scold and blame others for the troubles they encounter. They always justify their own mistakes but will blame others for any trouble that comes their way.

Emotional people do not use logic when arguing

People will hurt and make you angry by being ungrateful and insulting

Though you may feel like reacting, do not let anger make you hate them. Show goodwill towards people – to both the good and the evil – despite their unfair criticisms or treatments. Don’t harbor hatred. God makes His sun to rise on both evil and good people and makes His rain to fall on the righteous and the unrighteous (Matthew 5:45).

As much as possible try to control your emotions. It will not be easy, but with prayer and faith in God, you can do it.

Do not stop the good works that you are doing. Criticisms against you may be unfair. However, never withdraw the good services you are doing for the community.

People will praise you and turn around to curse you

Moses led the Children of Israel out of Egypt. They were in bondage and cried for a deliverer. God sent Moses to help them out. They were happy and hailed Moses as their hero. They jubilated as they went out with Moses.

When everything was okay, Moses was the hero everyone loved and praised. He was the greatest.

But as soon as they encountered trouble, they quickly turned against Moses. They accused Moses and said he was the cause of their plight. They said,

“Is it because there are no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to die in the wilderness? What have you done to us in bringing us out of Egypt?” (Exodus 14:11; ESV)

Moses who was the hero a few days earlier was now a villain, a scoundrel, an evil person. He was now the person to blame for their misfortunes.

They said to him,

“Is not this what we said to you in Egypt, ‘Leave us alone that we may serve the Egyptians’? For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness.” (Exodus 14:12; ESV)

Remember that no one forced them to go out of Egypt with Moses. They all went out of their own volition. Because they wanted to go out of bondage, they sang, jubilated as they marched out of Egypt following Moses as their leader.

When everything is okay with people, they will say nice things about you. The same people will call you the devil when things go bad for them.

Arguing is a waste of precious time when dealing with angry people. Angry people are emotional, full of prejudice, and motivated by pride and vanity. When people find themselves disadvantaged, they look for scapegoats to lay their blame and failures on them.

No matter how sincere you are, some people will always see you in a bad light. Some will always suspect your good intentions and will have something evil to say about your good deeds.

They blamed Moses and put all their problems on him. Moses had a genuine intention to help the people in their sufferings. He was not benefitting directly. After all, he was living comfortably with his wife and father-in-law, Jethro the priest of Midian, before he came back to Egypt to deliver them.

In such situations do not be eager to vindicate yourself by debating them.

Hold back your anger. Look for points you both agree on and try to make them see that you seek their welfare. Then encourage them to help you find the solutions to the problem.

See beyond their ingratitude. Think of how you can help to correct the problem. Later, when the problem is solved, you can help them know how ungrateful they had been to you.

When you are confronted by the ingratitude of people, only love can make you continue to help.

Your passion for what you are doing will urge you on when things look bleak and ingratitude stares you in the face.

Your personality is patterned according to your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. Proverbs 23:7 says

“…as a man thinks in his heart so is he…”

Jesus also said,

“A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good things, and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things. (Matthew 12:35; NKJV)

You may be crippled by your problem; however, you will overcome if God is in you and His word and healing power working in you. Problems are temporary. You will find the solutions to them if you are focused.

You may have started late but you can still make it

Do not wait for someone (or good luck) to pull you out. No matter how little you perform or how slow you progress, work on and you will succeed.

David believed that the battle was for the Lord and that the Lord himself would fight for him.

However, David did not fold his hands and wait for God to fight. David took pebbles, a sling and went out to face Goliath. He used his feeble weapon against the mighty Goliath who wielded a mighty weapon. And he won (1 Samuel 17:45-51).

Go out with your sling and pebbles, backed by your faith in God, and see God fight and win the battle for you.

God told Moses to tell the Children of Israel to march forward against their obstacle – the Red Sea – and away from their enemies – the Egyptians.

Leaders must have confidence that success is possible. Leaders must stand firm despite the challenges confronting them. Moses encouraged the people not to be afraid.

13 “And Moses said to the people, ‘Do not be afraid. Stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD, which He will accomplish for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall see again no more forever. 14 The LORD will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace.’” (Exodus 14:13-14; NKJV)

Of course, God was going to divide the sea, but he asked Moses to stretch his rod over it as a sign of faith in God and in God’s Word.

Moses acted and God divided the sea, making a way for them to cross over. (Exodus 14:15-23)

The Israelites walked on dry land and crossed over to the other side. But when the Egyptians followed, God again asked Moses to stretch his rod over the sea and close it over the Egyptians. The Egyptians were destroyed.

Angry people are too emotional to listen to logic

You cannot share useful information with people when they are angry and shouting at you.

Moses did not waste his time trying to argue with the people when they accused and blamed him for their many problems. Whenever they blamed him or accused him, Moses turned to God and prayed for courage and wisdom and moved on.

The emotional person does not use logic. If you try to use logic and facts to argue a point with someone who is already emotional, it will not work. When people are angry, they become emotional. The emotional person is not in the mood to listen. The emotional person wants to talk about his or her feelings and blame people.

We demonstrate what we believe. And so, people who look to circumstances and believe they cannot succeed remain poor and helpless.

If you sow thoughts of fear, sickness, enmity, etc., you shall reap the same in abundance. Therefore, those who sow thoughts of greatness, prosperity and good health reap the same in greater quantities.

Most of the Children of Israel believed they could not succeed. Moses, on the other hand, believed that they could succeed.

Stop complaining against people who do not help you. Stop groaning about how life is difficult and unfair. Life is difficult and unfair to many people. Complaining, whining and groaning will not change your situation. Put your faith into action and believe God to stand behind your faith.

Your present life may be bitter and frustrating. However, if you do not stop believing and working, tomorrow will be great.

The height of your success will be determined by how high your aspiration is. In the same way, your lowest level of inferiority is determined by how low you conceive yourself to be.

Think constructively. Think positively and act on what you think. If you do not act you will not achieve anything.

Remind yourself always of the good fortune that awaits you at the other side of your ‘Red Sea’. Stretch forth your hand and part your Red Sea.

If your hope is on a fellow human being, be it a rich friend or a brother, to help you, you might be disappointed. You may look for help from many places, but let your faith and hope reside in the Lord, and he will find the help you need. Psalm 75:6-7 says,

6 “For promotion cometh neither from the east, nor from the west, nor from the south. 7 But God is the judge: he putteth down one, and setteth up another.” (KJV)

Moses did not look up to the people. The people saw only Moses. They did not see God in the picture. That is why many people are followers. That is why only a few are leaders. Leaders believe in themselves and look unto God for direction. They know they will succeed.

Decide on what you want to be in a few years’ time from now. Moses looked beyond. His mind was to get over to the other side of the Red Sea. That sea was a hindrance, but he knew he could overcome it.

Every problem is outmatched by the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit living in you. 1 John 4:4 says,

“You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.” (NKJV)

Romans 8:31 assures us,

“What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” (NKJV)

No problem can defeat you. You are the master of your problems. Rise up and conquer your mountains.

Most people blame material circumstances as the source of their difficulties, trials, and failures. Most people blame their failures on a lack of financial resources. Though these are factors that make success difficult, they are not ultimate barriers.

Adverse conditions, environments, and circumstances should be challenges that should spur you to success. Climb over the obstacles. Use the obstacles as steppingstones.

Jesus said,

“For assuredly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be removed and be cast into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says.” (Mark 11:23; NKJV)

Match your prayer and belief with works, because faith without works is dead. (James 1:22-25)

Do not waste your time in frivolities or other vain things. Think always about what your future should be like. And do not waste your time arguing and trying to prove you are right or good. Your deeds will eventually prove your integrity.

People will notice you if you are successful

When you become a success people will then recognize you and your worth. And then they will care about the story you say about yourself. Because they will want to learn from your success story.

Whatever you do, do it to attain the goal ahead. While the people accused Moses, Moses focused his mind on God. Rather than hitting back at them, he took the problem to God. Seek guidance and answers. Don’t stop to argue with complainers. Winston Churchill said,

“You will never reach your destination if you stop and throw stones at every dog that barks.” (Unquote)

Initially, things would be difficult. And it would not be easy to persevere. But with practice and persistence, you will learn to persevere. And your perseverance will take you to your success.

Persist in your spirit. Do not let any obstacle dampen your spirit. Proverbs 18:14 says,

“The spirit of a man will sustain him in sickness, but who can bear a broken spirit?” (NKJV)

Work persistently. Make good plans and review or update them periodically.

Save a percentage of what you earn – do not touch your savings now. Discipline yourself and let your little savings grow into a huge investment capital tomorrow.

Do not let people dictate how you should live. Some people allow others to pull their strings. You can never live your life to its fullest by living according to other people’s definitions of success.

Your parents, your friends, or politicians, cannot truly define your life to its fullest. They may suggest some things, but the ultimate decision of what you want to be would be defined by yourself. James Baldwin said,

“I was not born to be what someone said I was. I was not born to be defined by someone else, but myself only.” (Unquote)

You must have the confidence that you will succeed. Your confidence will lead you and urge you on to success. Without confidence, you will not have the urge to continue when the tempest of failures assail you. Your passionate desire to achieve your goal will drive you on when challenges confront you.

Procrastination is said to be the thief of time. When you procrastinate you push your future further into the farthest future.

When you fail, do not quit. Try again, and again, and again, till you succeed.

Let these words of Micah be your mind,

“Do not rejoice over me, my enemy; when I fall, I will arise; when I sit in darkness, the LORD will be a light to me.” (Micah 7:8; NKJV)

Plan on how to tackle the problem. Give yourself time for the execution and the achievement of the plan of action. Work daily towards achieving the goal. Review your plans weekly or as often as you can. Make corrections or modifications, and where necessary make deletions. Be enthusiastic about your project.

However, if you do not see any improvement after persistently failing many times, ask yourself whether you need to review your plans or change them entirely. If by two or three years you do not see any improvement, you may need to change your plans. That is why you should have a three-year, five-year and ten-year plans. These periods should see some marked improvements as you march towards your goal.

To become successful, you must focus your mind and energy on the actions that will take you closer to the goals you want to achieve. Don’t let the pain of temporary failure weaken your determination.

We read in Proverbs 24:10,

“If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small.” (NKJV)

Stand up and face your problems. Like Moses, be calm and face your ‘Red Sea’. With faith in God and full of self-confidence Moses parted the Red Sea.

If God’s Spirit is your partner, His knowledge and wisdom will guide you.

“But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him.” (1 Corinthians 6:17: NKJV)

The Spirit of God indwelling you will enable you to overcome. Not by might, nor by power, but by the spirit of God… (Zechariah 4:6).

After the Red Sea incident, the people complained again any time they encountered trouble. They complained against Moses and Aaron.

Even though it was apparent that it was not Moses, but God, who was the provider, they complained against Moses and Aaron and blamed the two for their problems.

People will blame you when there is trouble even when it is not your fault.

At some point, they even became violent and ready to stone Moses. Ingratitude at its highest. They had forgotten so soon all that God did for them through this same Moses. In such a situation you might feel like giving up.

They did not consider that Moses was facing the problems with them. All they thought of was their own selfish interests.

Though he was not happy with their attitude, Moses went to God any time they were confronted with severe challenges. He did not blame anyone.

In your dealings with people, no matter how transparent you are, some will find fault with you. Some will accuse you. Some will hate you, and some will slight you. No matter how honest you are, some people will dislike you and will lie about you.

Moses continued to show love and kindness despite the people’s ingratitude and hate towards him

In every community, there will be a mixed multitude. When the children of Israel left Egypt, we read in Exodus 12:38 that, a mixed multitude went up with them. They are fair-weather people. In Numbers 11:4-6 we read how they caused great commotion and great trouble among the Children of Israel.

4 “Now the mixed multitude who were among them yielded to intense craving; so the children of Israel also wept again and said: ‘Who will give us meat to eat? 5 We remember the fish which we ate freely in Egypt, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions, and the garlic; 6 but now our whole being is dried up; there is nothing at all except this manna before our eyes!” (NKJV)

We will come across these kinds again in the New Testament. This time, the New Testament refers to them as “lewd fellows of the baser sort.”

“But the Jews which believed not, moved with envy, took unto them certain lewd fellows of the baser sort, and gathered a company, and set all the city on an uproar, and assaulted the house of Jason, and sought to bring them out to the people.” (Acts 17:5; KJV)

The American Standard Version refers to them as “vile fellows of the rabble,” the Amplified Bible describes them as “wicked men (ruffians and rascals) and loungers in the marketplace.”

The mixed multitude, the lewd fellows of the baser sort, will cause ‘earthquakes’ in your life. But you must stand firm when the earthquakes hit you.

Moses and Aaron lived lives of prosperity and victory because they did not pay back evil for evil. They planted good seeds of love, kindness, and goodwill. They, therefore, reaped goodness, love, prosperity and the best of health. Aaron lived 123 years (Numbers 33:39) and Moses 120 years (Deuteronomy 34:7).

Most often our responses to the evil done to us are to repay people according to the manner they treat us. However, Proverbs 24:29 says,

“Do not say, ‘I will do to him just as he has done to me; I will render to the man according to his work.’” (NKJV)

Use your time profitably and let God avenge you. Romans 12:17-21 says not to avenge ourselves. Focus on doing good and leave the rest to God. “Vengeance is mine”, says the Lord.

If all of us would live that way, there would be less or no violence in our communities, and our societies would be peaceful, healthy and full of happiness.

If we would all use our time and energy to nurture and practice peace, we would have tranquil communities rapidly progressing economically.

Do not let your emotions run you and control your actions. Manage your anger and aggressive feelings. Be a peacemaker always.

Sometimes, our rash responses inadvertently create or aggravate conflicts, and we ourselves suffer the consequences.

Some people cannot see how they are wrong. So, they fight back when you correct them.

The Bible says in Isaiah 52:7,

“How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him who brings good news, who proclaims peace, who brings glad tidings of good things…” (NKJV)

Furthermore, we read in Matthew 5:9

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.” (NKJV)

Jesus says in Luke 6:31-33

31 “And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise. 32 But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same.” (NKJV)

Do not act when you are angry. You might do something terrible. You might hurt a person, an animal or destroy valuable properties.

Let me hear from you. Sign up to receive my newsletters so we can constantly be in touch and share ideas.

How to listen to angry opponents when you are angry

Why you should listen to your opponent when you are angry … Part 2

It is difficult to listen to angry opponents when you are angry. Therefore, calm down. Anger inflames tension.

When an angry person engages you in angry and heated debate, do not try to prove that you, too, can spew out acidic words. Instead, invite him or her to a peaceful dialogue.

Listening and observing Robert Baden-Powell

You may become frustrated as you try to make your opponent listen to you and understand your point of view.

Control your emotions. Do not engage in fault-finding. Fault-finding ignites arguments and creates conflicts instead of solving issues. Your opponent can become adamant and resist your views if you engage in fault-finding.

Everybody believes he or she is right.

People can be emotionally shocked when they hear that they are wrong. That can provoke fierce, and even hysterical, resistance from fanatics or die-hard believers. And that can make them want to hurt their opponents by attacking the integrity of their opponents or say anything to pierce the emotions of their opponents.

Don’t respond in like manner. Always remain calm in the face of negative reactions.

Don’t let the hard words of your angry opponents disturb you.

You are human and you would be hurt by hard words. However, if you try ignoring what they say, the sting in their words will lose their venom and you would not feel the hurt anymore.

Addressing the concerns or needs of the listener can help create favorable reactions.

Lead the listener gradually to the point where the listener can assimilate the truth.

Jesus listened carefully before answering accusers and those who verbally attacked him.

The Samaritan woman was hostile and sarcastic. But Jesus did not hit back at her. Eventually, he was able to calm her down and make her accept him and his views. (John 4:7-30)
Some Jews attempted to provoke Jesus by asking him a controversial question as to whether it was right for Jews to pay tax to Caesar. Jesus responded wisely by telling them it was appropriate to give what belonged to Caesar to Caesar and what belonged to God (worship) to God. (Matthew 22:15-22)

If you make what you present pleasant, and not insulting, people will be comfortable listening to you. Don’t look down on them and don’t disregard their views even though you don’t agree with them. Get their attention to listen to you. As they are listening you can then help them to understand your point of view.

Help them think and reason through so they can make the right conclusions. Ask questions that will make them think.

Analyze what they are saying. It will help you to know how right or how wrong they are.

Whoever restrains his words ... Proverbs 17:27

We read in Proverbs 17:28,

“Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.” (ESV)

Don’t be sarcastic with your responses.

Stop argument before it develops into a quarrel.

Stop contending with people when you realize that they are not listening to you and will not give you the chance to explain your side of the matter.

If the wsie man must not contend with the fool ... Proverbs 29:9

The more you contend with a person who disagrees with you, the more that person rages and fumes.

Why you should listen to your opponent when you are angry … Part 1

Why you should listen to your opponent when you are angry, does not seem to be a wise suggestion. Yet it is the right advice.

Religious people, politicians – everybody – should learn to listen to opposing views. We must learn to listen to the other person in our angry moments.

Students shoot and kill when they can’t have their way. In anger, they vent their frustrations on innocent people.

Religious militants attack and kill people who express different views. They angrily and violently defend their beliefs but will not allow others to express theirs. Their anger makes it difficult for them to tolerate divergent opinions.

We live daily in fear of angry suicide bombers who strike at random.

Some people can’t listen to opposing views yet want others to listen to theirs.

Listening helps solve problems. When we listen, we hear what our opponents say.

Why you should listen to your opponet when you are angry — Most people do not listen with the intent to understand… Stephen R. Covey

We must not listen only to rebut. Sincere listening helps us understand our opponent’s problems and views. We must listen to know the problem, so we can respond appropriately.

Some people hate to listen when their opponents tell them they are wrong. When their opponents suggest different options, they find it difficult to listen.

Ego also prevents us from listening.

A man noticed a police officer trying hard to make some local people obey him. He observed that they did not understand the English language that the police officer spoke. So he suggested that the officer could make them understand if he spoke in a language they understood.

The police officer asked the gentleman angrily, “Are you the one to teach me how to do my work?” The suggestion offended the police officer’s ego. Yet he was not making headway by his approach.

The gentleman tried to explain but the police officer got angrier. He and his colleagues assaulted the gentleman, resulting in the man sustaining injuries.

The man was trying to help. But their inflated and conceited ego made it difficult for them to appreciate the man’s good intentions and views.

When we are arguing we are more interested in what we say than what others say. So we become impatient and can’t wait for them to finish expressing or elaborating on their views. And we interrupt with our prejudices.

We may interpret our opponents’ contrary views to be personal attacks on us.

Listening to another person’s point of view does not necessarily mean you agree with him or her.

When you listen to people you get to know how they think and why they behave the way they do. And that contributes to solving the problem. That is why you should listen to your opponent when you are angry.

Religious militants believe they are always right. They insist they are right even when evidence or proof is provided to suggest otherwise. They can’t acknowledge that others, too, could be right.

Angel Cataluna says,

“To handle an objection you must first listen to the other person, and make sure they know you are listening.” (Angel A. Cataluna, Basic Influencing and Persuasion.)

If your opponent knows that you are open to listen to what he or she says, he or she, too, will listen to you. You can disagree with each other, and yet have a healthy dialogue.

We learn by listening and observing. And as Cataluna said, we must make sure they know we are listening. That encourages them to also want to listen to us. That is why you should listen to your opponent when you are angry.

(Further Reading, “Why Persuasion Is Better Than Force.”)

(“Conquering Without Being Violent.”)

Uncontrolled anger

To be continued…

Controlling Anger … Part 2 of controlling emotional anger

Controlling anger is difficult, but with commitment you will be able to do it.

Controlling anger requires effort and determination.

Controlling emotional anger should be a deliberate act

Transformation will occur if you feed your mind with patience, tolerance, and love. These qualities will transform your personality from the angry and aggressive to the peaceful and friendly.

How do you transform your aggressive and angry behavior?

Transformation will start with the controlling of your emotions. The inner mind begins the transformation process using what you feed it. Moreover, your personality will begin to reflect the new pattern that your mind is shaping with the new data.

Counter negative and hostile thoughts with positive, calm and friendly thoughts. Your mind will always respond to what you feed it. And tolerance will help you listen to other people’s views even if you disagree with them.

William Arthur Ward said,

“It is wise to direct your anger towards problems — not people; to focus your energies on answers — not excuses.”

(You may also be interested in reading, “Persuasion is Better Than Force.”)

We read in Ephesians 4:22-24 how we can reframe the mind. We can renew our mind by feeding it with new positive thoughts. Furthermore, the brain will adapt to the new suggestions we feed it. As we continue to feed the mind with the new thoughts, and continue to act on them, we develop a pattern of new thoughts and responses.

The new thoughts and behaviors become ingrained in the mind, eventually becoming new habits, and transforming us into new personalities, (Romans 12:2).

(Suggested further reading)

Controlling anger can be done in an assertive way

Controlling anger in an assertive way should be non-aggressive. We must not use the frontal attack, no matter how much we disagree with people. Moreover, we must not be quick to become angry.

“Do not hasten in your spirit to be angry, for anger rests in the bosom of fools,” (Ecclesiastes 7:9).

We must practice doing the right thing until it becomes part of our thinking and acting processes.

Leo Tolstoy said,

“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.”

You must, therefore, learn not to respond in anger when you disagree with people. Don’t let your emotions explode in anger when you disagree with people.

Brian Tracy remarked that,

“You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.”

Be slow to anger and take your time to listen to the other person.

If you truly want to change, you will persist until you have formed the new habit of patience and tolerance.

Controlling emotional anger … Part 1

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Controlling emotional anger

Controlling emotional anger is difficult and frustrating. Also, uncontrolled anger can be scary and destructive.

Anger is a powerful emotion and is very difficult to control.

We use anger to check people who do us wrong. Moreover, we may use anger as a violent weapon against people we hate.

We must learn to be angry without being violent.

Some of us struggle to control emotional anger when people do not listen to us. Religious militants, for instance, use violence to compel people to listen. They proclaim that their deity is peaceful, loving and merciful. And yet they use violence to compel people to worship their deity.

It is possible to control emotional anger

Human beings have the capacity to do what they want without using violence. We can articulate our beliefs or opinions without using anger or violence. So, controlling our emotional anger is possible.

You may want to read how to manage anger

Controlling emotional anger helps us to stay calm

Life is a constant struggle. Moreover, people will attack your person and make you feel bad. When that happens don’t seek to equalize.

Tell people how their words are hurting you. But do not attack them. Deal with the problem.

Do not say, “I will do to him just as he has done to me; I will render to the man according to his work.” (Proverbs 24:29; NKJV)

Do not let negative and angry thoughts linger on your mind.

(You may want to read “Conquering Without Being Violent”)

Controlling emotional anger will help develop a forbearing attitude

Don’t react angrily to angry situations.

You can control your emotional anger by feeding your brain with positive information. So, feed it with peace, love, compassion, and tolerance.

How do you transform your aggressive and angry personality, and how can you be angry without being angrier? You must renew your mind.

To be continued

How and why uncontrolled anger makes us look antagonistic

Uncontrolled anger can make us look antagonistic

Uncontrolled anger makes us lose the opportunity to win people’s trust.

Many people are unaware of their uncontrolled anger.

Many have fires burning in their bosoms, yet pretend to be loving and caring.

People condemn Al-Qaeda, ISIS, Al-Shabaab, Boko Haram, and persons or groups who slit people’s throats and decapitate people, and yet they turn around to do evil to fellow humans.

We condemn suicide bombers in the Arab countries, in Europe, etc., yet we lynch people without evidence that they deserve to die by such inhuman acts.

Some Christians, despite the teachings of Jesus, use the wrong frontal method of attacking angry and violent people. It is unwise to attack angry and violent people; especially when they are defending their beliefs. You make them angrier.

Uncontrolled anger can produce angry responses from listeners. And angry responses can interfere with listeners’ minds. They may feel your responses are attacks and would want to defend themselves. The listener may feel intimidated and belittled.

Uncontrolled anger can misrepresent the truth about our opinions

We must, therefore, learn to control our anger.

Angry moods convey antagonistic impressions — they attack the persons we want to win over.

Continue reading “How and why uncontrolled anger makes us look antagonistic” →

How to respond to anger without getting angry… Part 2

How do you respond to anger without getting angry?

Responding to anger without getting angry is difficult and frustrating. Because anger is a powerful emotional energy and can blind reasoning.

Do not answer an angry person while you are angry.

To respond to an angry person without getting angry, you need to deal with your own emotions first. Three things are necessary to consider when you are in an angry situation.

1. How do I respond to anger without getting angry?
2. What should I do if I am angry?
3. How do I deal with the anger in the other person?

1. How do I respond to anger without getting angry?

Nelson Mandela said,

“If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner.”

You can respond to anger without getting angry if you deal with your emotional anger. Tell yourself you must not get angry. Restrain the impulse to hit back, and wait for a chance to express yourself.

(If you want to learn more click this link)

Anger makes us want to react immediately. Angry people most often do not wait and think before reacting. Because anger makes us impetuous. And impetuous people act without thinking about the outcome of their reactions; impetuous people act by impulse.

Don’t focus on what your opponent is saying because that is what is making you angry. Focus, rather, on what you want; how to make him or her listen to you and agree with you.

While your opponent is talking don’t be thinking about how to rebut. If you are not pleased with what your opponent is saying, talk about your feelings calmly without using angry words.

If you keep calm and listen well, you might understand whether your opponent is speaking because of hurt or not. Or if he or she might have misunderstood you.

2. What should I do if I am angry?

The first thing to do is to stop being angry. But that is not easy for some. Philippians 4:8 says,

“Whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy — meditate on these,” (NKJV).

Exercise control over the temptation to retort in anger. Wait some minutes before reacting. The strength of the emotions to retort in anger weakens when you delay your response or reactions.

Mahatma Gandhi said, “Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”

Stop when you notice that the discussion is becoming contentious. Don’t strike back — don’t say anything that will aggravate the situation.

Proverbs 17:14 says,

“The beginning of strife is like releasing water; therefore, stop contention before a quarrel starts,” (NKJV).

(You may want to read “Conquering Without Being Violent.”)

3. How do I deal with the anger in the other person?

Shouting will not solve the matter. So be calm when your opponent is angry and shouting. And when you get the chance to respond, speak calmly but firmly.

Alexandre Dumas said,

“There is nothing more galling to angry people than the coolness of those on whom they wish to vent their spleen.”

A soft answer has the power to cool anger in an angry opponent. Accept that he or she is angry. Even if he or she is not right. Do not argue, but discuss. Let him or her know you want to discuss what is upsetting him or her; you don’t want to argue.

Tolerance helps us to listen and to reason with each other.

You could lose objectivity if your mind is only on winning.

Give him or her the chance to express his or her view. Pay attention to what he or she is saying; try to see his or her point of disagreement. After you have listened to him or her, explain your side in a calm and respectful way.

If he or she still will not see your point, do not argue to prove your point. There is nothing you can do when your opponent is not ready to accept the truth. Francis Bacon said people tend to believe that which they would like to be true.

(Please visit us at the Peacemakers Team…)

How to respond to anger without getting angry… Part 1

Responding to anger without getting angry is difficult and frustrating…

So how can we respond to anger without getting angry?

Persuasion without Anger — Persuasion Is Better Than Force

Angry people are difficult to deal with. They frustrate people. To deal with them, you have to control your own emotions first – your anger.

(Please, make time to visit The Peacemakers Team page)

Angry people are narrow-minded and acerbic with their words.

They have no patience to listen to divergent views. They are sarcastic and insulting.

Don’t react angrily and negatively to what they say; even when they say negative things about your person. Do not echo their attitude!

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1; New King James Version)

Use positive words to correct their negative attitude. Encourage them to engage positively with you. For instance, instead of saying, “Your bottle is half empty,” say, “Your bottle is half full.”

Don’t return fire for fire.

You will stir their emotions and make them angrier when you use harsh language.

Angry people usually struggle to control their anger when told how wrong they are.

Their ego will not allow them to accept the truth when it is bitter. They become uncomfortable when you tell them straight in the face that they are wrong.

You trigger their emotions when you speak in a confrontational way. He or she feels you are attacking his or her opinion and so becomes defensive. Using the reverse method, instead of the frontal attack, therefore, can make them comfortable to listen to your differing opinion.

Don’t focus on your opponent’s anger or insults, because they can make you angry. And when you are angry, you may find it difficult to reason, and so, fail to explain your views well. Concentrate on what you want to say. Say it kindly and truthfully.

Don’t argue; you would be wasting time.

Medical research explains that when we speak, even alone to ourselves, one part of the brain speaks while the other part listens. Therefore, learn to listen to others when they air their views, even if you do not agree with them. You will learn a lot when you listen; it will help you understand the problem and how to deal with it appropriately.

Always aim at persuading; do not force.

Do not attack their views.

You may want to read, “An eye for an eye leaves the world blind.”

[End of Part 1]

How to make people listen to you, and how to make people accept your message … Part 2

How long have you been battling with the question of “how to make people listen to you”?

Do you struggle with the question of “how to make people accept your message”?

Do you get angry and frustrated when people reject your message?

Do you use the frontal attack as religious militants do?

The frontal attack is combative.

It attacks the listener in the guise of providing information, and triggers a fight response from the listener. It is aggressive in approach and invites same in response.

It is the method militants use. It is not peaceful, and has no touch of love. It is brutal and does not consider the feelings and rights of others.

Never use the frontal attack; use the reverse method

Explain the benefits of what you are offering. Make the listener see how he or she will benefit. Do not force the listener. Let him or her decide; let him or her choose willingly. People want to choose what they want, and what they think will benefit them.

The Samaritan woman Jesus met by the well had lived a life of a whore; she had lived with five different people. At the time Jesus met her, she was living with a sixth man, (John 4:17-18). She needed spiritual deliverance.
However, Jesus knew that the existing enmity between the Jews and the Samaritans could make it difficult for her to listen to Him. He, therefore, used the reverse method. He asked her for water. When she reminded Jesus that Jews and Samaritans did not talk to each other, Jesus ignored the remark, and rather stated her spiritual need.
Jesus told her,

“If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who is saying to you, ‘Please give me a drink,’ you would have been the one to ask him, and he would have given you living water.” (International Standard Version)

Jesus used ‘water’ to get the woman’s attention. Water was her need at that time. She wondered how Jesus would give her living water when He had no bucket to draw water; besides, moments ago He had asked her for water to drink. Jesus was using a strategy to engage her to talk back so He could explain to her the spiritual gift He had for her. If Jesus had started by telling her He wanted to give her a gift, she would have ignored Him.

When she retorted, Jesus ignored her sarcasm and rather emphasized on her spiritual need. She became interested in the special water that could “become a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.” (John 4:14)
He was offering the woman eternal life by using what she valued at the time -‘water’. He got her undivided attention. She was no more thinking about the enmity between Jews and Samaritans. She was now willing to receive from a Jew.
She said,

“Sir, give me this water that I may not thirst, nor come here to draw water.” (John 4:15)

Jesus now had to make her confess her life of sin. Again, He refrained from using the frontal method. He did not tell her, “You must confess your sin before I can give you this water.” That would have provoked her. She would have called other Samaritans to come and see a Jew who had the audacity to come to the city of Samaritans and insult a Samaritan. Angry Samaritans would have come out to lynch that Jew.
He told her to go and bring her husband, though He knew she had no husband. The woman on her own volition confessed that she had no husband. By her confession she gave Jesus the opportunity to remind her the number of men she had lived with.

That was a powerful revelation

She wondered, “How can this man know my secret life? Is He a prophet?” She answered back, “Sir, I perceive that You are a prophet.” She proceeded to talk about worship and the disagreement between Jews and Samaritans, providing Jesus the opportunity to teach her.
After listening to Jesus expound on worship and spirituality, and telling her He was the Messiah, she became convinced. She left her water pot, went her way into the city, and told other Samaritans about the stranger who could be the Christ; her testimony drew the people to Jesus.

People will listen to you if you articulate your views convincingly

Do not use force as the Boko Haram, Al-Shabaab, ISIS, Al-Qaeda, and other religious militants are doing

Aftermath of Boko Haram Islamic militants attack and destruction of a village and a Christian church in northern Nigeria — Aftermath of Boko Haram Islamic militant attack and destruction of a village and a Christian church in northern Nigeria

Do not attack people when they do not readily respond to your message
Show them the beauty of your cause, not the ugliness and hatred of your cause
Patiently discuss how the listener stands to gain when he or she accepts what you are offering.

(Read “Murder and rape in God’s name… God’s Executioners on the loose.”)

The Almighty God, the all Powerful One, does not compel people. Why should you? He says, “Come now, and let us reason together…” (Isaiah 1:18).

Religious Intolerance

Religious intolerance is destructive

We are being constantly attacked and threatened

Attackers and hackers are attempting to disrupt our programs. They want us to stop discussing the evils that others are propagating. They think that, as we discuss the evils propagated by their fellow believers, the world will regard all of them as evil.

Mahatma Gandhi said, “Anger and intolerance are the twin enemies of correct understanding.”

In their anger, some of them even resort to using brute force to make us give up.

However, instead of hitting back at them, the Bible entreats us as Christians to adopt the non-violent way. We hope they will understand that, their actions will rather make people to see them as enemies of peace and truth.

They constantly attack and hack our site because they are not comfortable with the truth

They know that we are not against their religious beliefs; we do not attack what they believe. It is the angry and violent method some people use in promoting their faiths that we oppose. We believe that people should be allowed to make their own choices. The attackers, however, do not want people to have their freedom to choose. They want to stop us from promoting peace and the freedom to choose, so that they can continue to promote violence, anger and mayhem.

Their actions confirm our writings; that some people love violence and cannot tolerate different views.

Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God,” (Matthew 5:9).

For books on peacemaking and how to make people listen to you visit…

Peacemakers should always help other peacemakers to promote peace. Genuine seekers of truth and peace will fight for truth and peace to prevail.

People proclaim they are preaching a God of peace and of love. Yet they promote violence and brutality; as if the deity they preach is a violent one.

Whether you are a Christian, a Muslim, an African Traditional Religionist, Buddhist, Hindu, etc., attacking people to make them accept your religion is not the right way to promote a God of peace and love.

God is Almighty; He does not need the help of frail humans to fight His battle. He rather fights and delivers His children from the hands of enemies. People who kill other people and force their beliefs on people are not promoting the way of the peace-loving God. Jesus told His followers,

“… a time is coming that whoever kills you will think that he offers God service. And these things they will do to you because they have not known the Father nor Me,” (John 16:2-3; New King James Version).

The Qur’an says, “Let there be no compulsion in religion…” (2:256), and in 29:6 we read, “And whoever strives, he strives only for himself. Verily Allah stands not in need of any of the ‘Alamin (mankind, jinn, and all that exists).”

God told Ezekiel to warn the people and leave them to decide for themselves. Man’s duty is to warn, not to compel (Ezekiel 3:18-21). The choice to accept rests with the hearer. God does not coerce people. Jesus said we should not use force to make people accept God, (Luke 10:5-12).

We live in an age of hate and violence

Communities nurture hate and instil in their offspring anger and hate against people they disagree with. Violence is being perpetuated, and religions are using violence to promote their cause.

Why should innocent people suffer when other people have disputes? Why do terrorists pick on the helpless to destroy?

How can a God of peace and love use violence to make people love Him? Can’t He use His tremendous power to turn the minds of people to love and worship Him without resorting to violence?

Jesus asked us to conquer by persuasion and not by force or threat.

Martin Luther King said, “Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

God is Love, and Jesus taught us to promote peace through love. He taught us to love our enemies, to love those who curse us and who spitefully use us.

People of other religions, after listening to my radio message, call me on the phone to explain that their fellow believers who use violence to promote their religion are not true believers. These kind and gentle people are not happy when their fellow believers use hate to promote their faith. However, it is not my duty to say what their religion advocates. They should come out boldly to tell the world that their fellow believers who use hate and violence are not helping to promote their cause.

Paul asked the Galatians, “Have I, therefore, become your enemy because I tell you the truth?” (Galatians 4:16)

We speak against violence, and not against the religion they believe in.

To learn more about the Peacemakers, please visit ….

Power of Persuasion… Part 3

Learn to use the power of persuasion

Residents flee Hohoe violence — News report on conflict – Ghana

You can learn to use the power of peaceful persuasion to attract listeners.

It begins as a desire in your mind. As you think and act you become. Jesus said,

“Therefore, I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.” (Mark 11:24; New King James Version)

Proverbs 23:7 says, “For as he thinketh in his heart so is he.”

The seat of emotions (the amygdala) in the brain plays a significant role in controlling the physical effects associated with feeling and action.

Our emotions can also make us react before the part of the brain responsible for thinking and evaluation is able to check on the reasonableness of our reaction. Angry and violent people follow their emotions; they react impulsively in anger. Some end up murdering or doing horrible things, as in the case of suicide bombers and religious militants. Some spouses, too, commit atrocious deeds when they are angry.

“He who is slow to wrath has great understanding, but he who is impulsive exalts folly,” (Proverbs 14:29; New King James Version)

Listen to audio messages

Scientific studies on the mind and the human brain agree with the Bible that we can be transformed by the renewing of our mind (Romans 12:2).

Harry Mills, Ph.D., points out that “No one is born with a chronic anger problem. Rather, chronic anger and aggressive response styles are learned.” He explains further that,

“Children growing up in a household where one parent constantly berates and belittles the other learn to berate and belittle themselves, and then often recreate this behavior when they grow up and enter into relationships by berating and belittling their partners.” (Harry Mills, Ph.D., Anger Styles Are Learned, mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php)

Violent and angry people can retrain and reframe their minds and learn to become peaceful.

You need to constantly affirm your desire; repeating them daily. Your affirmations will affect your behavior and determination.

Muhammad Ali, regarded as the greatest in boxing history, was fantastic and ruled the ring for many years. He called himself the greatest and told the world that he was the greatest, even while he was striving to excel and had not yet become the world champion. He said,

“It’s the repetition of affirmations that leads to beliefs. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen.”

Medical science reveals that the brain restructures itself and adapts according to the repetitions of actions. The brain recognizes repetitions as patterns, which eventually lead to habit formation. Repeating actions will eventually make them happen automatically or almost automatically.

Listening and making people listen is not difficult for many. Many do not know how to encourage people to listen — Listening to people and making people listen is difficult for many. Many do not know how to encourage people to listen

How to make people listen to you

Listen carefully and show interest in what they say.
Do not argue, and do not force them to accept your views.
Do not strive to prove them wrong. Do not attack their views; you will indirectly make them dislike you.
Do not defend and do not debate. Discuss rather than instruct.
See your opponent as a friend and not an antagonist.
Listen to their objections and address them candidly. If you refuse to listen to them they, too, will not listen to you.
Tolerate and don’t be sarcastic in your remarks.
Smile …. don’t be angry.

Books available at…

Smashwords

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You may also click here for more information

To be continued

Welcome to “Conquering Without Being Violent.”

Can Violent Militants Change?

Daily we read of Islamic militants (Al-Qaeda, Al-Shabaab, Boko Haram, ISIS, etc.), The Lord’s Resistance Army, and suicide bombers using violence to press home their demands. They attack and kill innocent people as they force their decisions and beliefs on them.
School pupils explode in anger and shoot their colleague pupils and teachers.
Islamic militants abduct girls from schools in rural African communities, claiming their religion does not allow females to have education. They rape some of them, impregnating them in the process, and eventually sell them or compel them to marry men the girls do not love.

A loving God does not use hate to make people love Him

“Conquering Without Being Violent” discusses how persuasion convinces people rather than force.
Abraham Lincoln said, we conquer our enemies when we make them our friends.
Jesus told His followers never to use force to make people accept their views. He told His followers to love their enemies; not to hate them.

Topics to discuss on this platform include:

Engaging people in peaceful dialog
Disagreeing without being offensive
Defending without being polemical

You can conquer by persuasion without being violent

Do you get angry easily?
Are you violent in your reactions?
Do you want to form a new loving and patient habit?
Do you want to turn enemies into friends?

Discussions will include:

Using gentle ways in presenting views.
Training our angry emotions to calm down in angry situations.
Helping the brutish husband to learn to listen.
Helping a disrespectful child to learn to listen and obey.
Helping the cantankerous wife to learn to listen.
Helping the opinionated boss to learn listen to other views.

Truth should be able to persuade and draw people to one’s cause

A person who is persuaded to abandon his or her position voluntarily, will see it as his or her own decision; he or she does not feel coerced.

Is there hope for the chronically angry person?

Why do some people get angry easily?
Can the violent person change?
Can the hot-tempered person change?

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Do Not Use Compulsion.

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Aesop illustrates this truth in one of his fables, “The Lion and the Boar.”

People who encourage you to fight take advantage of you.

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People will hurt and make you angry by being ungrateful and insulting

You cannot share useful information with people when they are angry and shouting at you.

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Why you should listen to your opponent when you are angry … Part 2

Everybody believes he or she is right.

Don’t let the hard words of your angry opponents disturb you.

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Controlling emotional anger should be a deliberate act

Controlling anger can be done in an assertive way

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Controlling emotional anger

Anger is a powerful emotion and is very difficult to control.

It is possible to control emotional anger

Controlling emotional anger helps us to stay calm

Controlling emotional anger will help develop a forbearing attitude

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Uncontrolled anger can make us look antagonistic

Uncontrolled anger can misrepresent the truth about our opinions

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How do you respond to anger without getting angry?

1. How do I respond to anger without getting angry?

2. What should I do if I am angry?

3. How do I deal with the anger in the other person?

Tolerance helps us to listen and to reason with each other.

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Angry people are narrow-minded and acerbic with their words.

Don’t return fire for fire.

Angry people usually struggle to control their anger when told how wrong they are.

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How long have you been battling with the question of “how to make people listen to you”?

Do you struggle with the question of “how to make people accept your message”?

Do you use the frontal attack as religious militants do?

The frontal attack is combative.

Never use the frontal attack; use the reverse method

That was a powerful revelation

People will listen to you if you articulate your views convincingly

Do not use force as the Boko Haram, Al-Shabaab, ISIS, Al-Qaeda, and other religious militants are doing

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Religious intolerance is destructive

We are being constantly attacked and threatened

We live in an age of hate and violence

Jesus asked us to conquer by persuasion and not by force or threat.

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Learn to use the power of persuasion

To be continued

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Can Violent Militants Change?

A loving God does not use hate to make people love Him

Topics to discuss on this platform include:

You can conquer by persuasion without being violent

Discussions will include:

Truth should be able to persuade and draw people to one’s cause

Is there hope for the chronically angry person?