Our beliefs and actions define our destiny

Our beliefs and actions define our destinies. We are constantly defining our destinies through our beliefs and actions. God created us with the potential to succeed. But we derail our destinies or alter them by our beliefs and actions.

Focus on the goal ahead of you, even when the journey becomes rougher and tougher. If you veer off to the left or the right, you will miss the mark. The goalpost will still be there. If you do not reach the goalpost it is not because the goalpost has shifted. It is because you have taken your sight off the goalpost. To reach the goalpost you must return to the path that leads to the post. Your action defines the outcome.

You can achieve whatever vision you have if you stay focused and do not allow distractions to veer you off the path. You may encounter challenges as you pursue your vision, but you must not give up. What you do eventually determines your future. Your actions determine what you get and how you succeed in life.

You may put your vision of what you want to be on the back burner if challenges make it difficult for you to continue. You are not abandoning it when you put your vision on the back burner. You can bring it forward and put it on the front burner at the appropriate time. I do that when I am faced with challenges that make it too complicated for me to proceed as I would. I do not abandon any vision I believe in. I always know that someday I will execute it, and make it happen. It may be on the back burner for the time being, and at the right time, when it is conducive, I bring it onto the front burner.

I am the one who defines or determines my destiny. Not people. I follow the course that God planned for me. And with God helping me I can make my vision happen. Though it delays because of challenges it will eventually happen.

If God gives you a vision, he will make the provision for it at the right time. You may not know the time, but God will surely make it come to fruition.

You are the one defining your destiny. You are the one making it happen. Not people. If you cannot believe in yourself and in the vision that God gave you, you may follow everybody’s suggestion and finally fail. So, you see, you are the one defining your destiny.

No matter how you feel about hurt or an offense, violence or vandalism are not the right methods to employ in registering your displeasure.

Whatever we do will come back to us, either positively or negatively. If what we do is positive, then the payback will be positive. If it is negative the payback will be negative. So, we are the ones defining how we will be in the future. We are the ones also determining the future of our communities. We are the ones determining how rich or poor our communities will be.

In areas that are prone to conflict and vandalism, the repercussions are negative. People fear to relocate or to accept transfers to conflict areas.

When people vent their spleen by resorting to vandalizing properties, they are expressing their rights in the wrong manner. In their angry reactions, they vandalize businesses and properties. Their actions send wrong or negative signals to the world that their communities and environments are not friendly.

There is no true peace and tranquility in areas that are prone to conflict. People live mostly in fear, and one does not know what may happen to one at any moment.

And so, by our attitudes, we define how our communities will progress or retrogress. If violence is associated with a community, businesspeople will dread investing in that community. No businessperson will be confident about investing in a community that does not guarantee the protection of investments.

People who indulge in such wild and unreasonable behaviors tend to be adamant and reject the advice of well-meaning people who advocate peaceful co-existence. They reject peaceful ways of resolving disagreements. They are controlled by their emotions and prefer violent ways of expressing themselves.

But as we observe communities that are prone to violence, we notice the destructions that are perpetuated. We notice how people are killed or injured, and how commercial activities decline in such communities. We notice retrogression in economies because of the stagnation of economic activities. Basic and critical services, including health, education, farming, etc., are affected.

Violent people use violence to settle scores, even when it is obvious that violence is a bane of economic activities. He who is slow to wrath has great understanding (Proverbs 14:29a).

By our attitudes, we are defining the future state of our communities. The violence and destruction we unleash on each other determine how others regard us. And we are constantly nurturing poverty in our communities as new businesses are not established. Existing ones are relocated to other communities that are peaceful because ours no longer provides a conducive atmosphere for business activities.

Destruction of properties and businesses retard economic progress. And so, by our violent and destructive actions, we are defining the state of welfare and economic health of our communities. The violence and vandalism that we unleash are destroying the well-being, happiness, and prosperity of our communities. Yet ego will not let us do what is right by eschewing violence.

As we go on rampage and destroy properties, we are defining the future for our communities. The children are the ones who will suffer when they take over the reins of affairs. If parents destroy the facilities and economic structures of the communities what then will be left for the children to use when they take control of the affairs of the communities?

If parents are unable to give their children the required financial support because they lack the means or the ability, should they not leave enabling environments so the children can manage their economic situations when they take over from their parents?

Sometimes, the vandalism extends to infrastructures in the community. If parents leave the infrastructures as they are, even if they are not able to enhance them, the children can at least have something to depend on in the future to use for production and the advancement of their economies.

Curfews may be imposed in communities because of the recurrence of violence and murders. In Ghana, the use of motorcycles was restricted in Bawku, in addition to the curfew imposed. It made life, which was already harsh for the people, more restricted and harsher. Law-abiding citizens who did not indulge in the negative behaviors were unfortunately also affected by the ban, making their already difficult situation more difficult.

Yet, despite these restrictions and the presence of security personnel, people who indulge in conflicts, violence, and vandalism continue to perpetuate them. Ironically, most of them live in poverty. And one would think that they would rather be thinking of upgrading their economies rather than destroying them by their negative acts. Most of them are not also able to provide tertiary education for their children. Therefore, many children in those communities will not have strong foundations to stand on and propel themselves up economically in the future. And poverty will persist in that area for as long as they do not stop their negative behaviors.

Let us stop vandalizing infrastructures in our communities, so our children will have some stepping stones to stand on and propel themselves in their economic ventures. However small these may be the children can use them as stepping stones to climb on and build their future.

My father could not send me to the senior high (which was known then as secondary school). However, he laid the foundation for me by making sure I completed the elementary school, which was known as the Middle School. The little education I had enabled me to gain employment, though menial in some instances. I was able to earn money, which I saved to further my education.

People who know me might think that my father provided my secondary and tertiary education. It is the little that he provided (the elementary school education) that served as my foundation. I used that to work and secure the means to climb the educational ladder. Now I have a doctoral degree.

I am grateful to my father for building the foundation on which I could stand to work and make progress in furthering my education.

Violence and vandalism are destructive. They do not create but pull down what exists. They retard progress.

We can always resolve misunderstandings through dialogue. Some people think dialogue is a slow method of resolving disputes. Though dialogue may be slow, it is the right method. No matter how slow it is, dialogue eventually provides resolution.

Conflict may be a quick way to end misunderstanding, but it destroys economies. Conflicts may also result in the deaths of loved ones and injuries.

Sometimes, members of political parties fight and injure each other during elections. This is senseless. Why should members of the same political party fight, and some die, in an exercise that seeks to elect a representative for their party? Are there ulterior motives (or gains) they are fighting for that we do not know?

Violence brings pain and loss, or deaths, in its aftermath. But when emotions rise perpetrators of violence do not consider that.

People clash with the Police when they know that the Police will eventually subdue them. Yet their emotions do not let them think properly.

In the Eastern Region of Ghana, the youth clashed with the Police about the youth’s intention to lynch a suspect. They caught a man they claimed killed a woman. They took the suspect to the Chief’s Palace. The Chief informed the Police to come and take the suspect to the Police Station. When the Police were taking the suspect to the station, the youth confronted the Police and demanded the suspect be handed over to them so they could lynch him.

Of course, the Police would not allow that. The youth then decided to take the law into their own hands. They started vandalizing properties.

The Police responded by firing warning shots. Some people were injured in the melee and one person who was taken to the hospital for treatment died. The Police arrested about 71 suspects but later processed 37 for court.

So, what did the youth achieve through their violence? If they had allowed the law to take its course, nobody would have died, no one would have been injured and no one would have been arrested. The actions of the youth determined the outcome.

God does not compel us to change our behaviors that are not good. He does not compel us to do what he wants us to do, although he wants us to do what is right. Why then do some people want to force fellow humans to do what they want?

We disagree with others, and we insist it is our right. Yet some can’t countenance others disagreeing with them even when they are also disagreeing with those people.

When we accuse others and indicate that we would take measures or actions against them we don’t regard that as a threat to them. But when they also indicate their intentions to act against us, we cry loudly that they threaten us.

It is a paradox that people who do not show mercy usually are quick to beg for mercy and expect to be granted mercy. Yet they refuse to listen to the pleas or cries of people who ask for forgiveness from them. But when they are at the mercy of the people they mistreated, they are quick to turn around and beg forgiveness from them. They ask for justice to be tempered with mercy.

In Ghana, a military officer was brutally beaten to death in Denkyira-Obuasi, in the Central Region. As his attackers beat him, the man pleaded with them to stop. He told them he was a military officer.

They could have taken him to the Police Station, or to the military camp, to verify. But they didn’t. They beat him until he died.

In court, the culprits were found guilty, and sentenced to life imprisonment. Their relatives were on television begging for mitigation. They asked the government to temper justice with mercy. The culprits who attacked and killed the military officer did not temper justice with mercy when he begged them to spare his life. If they had tempered justice with mercy, he would not have been beaten to death. If they had tempered justice with mercy, they would have taken him to the Police Station and handed him over for the law to take its course.

Their relatives were on television lamenting that sentencing them to life imprisonment meant they would not see their loved ones again. But in saying that, they did not consider the relatives of the military officer who was killed. They, too, would not see their loved one again, as he is dead, killed by the culprits.

So, you see, our actions define our destinies. We define our future by our actions. God wants us to be successful in life, and to live in harmony with each other. But we are altering God’s intended plan for our lives, and disrupting the peaceful co-existence that God intended for us.

And by such actions, we are redefining the destinies that God prefers for us.

We reap what we sow. God prefers we sow good seeds so that we can reap good rewards. However, God will not compel us to sow the seeds. He will not take the free will he gave us. We sow our seeds and define our destinies as against the destinies God preferred for us.

God allows us our free will and how we choose to use that. Though he wishes that all will live well and be saved, (1 Timothy 2:3-4) he does not compel us. We change the plans that God has for us by our wrong actions. And so, by our actions, we define our destinies and deviate from the plan that God wishes for us.

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How do I make people like me and listen to me? Why do people hate me?

Presentation on Making People Listen Without Provoking Them
Presentation on Making People Listen Without Provoking Them

 

 

Do you struggle with the question, “How do I make people like me and listen to me?”

Do you wonder why people hate you and your cause?… why people say negative things about you and your beliefs?

You might have tried many times to explain and give reasons as to why people should accept your views, why they should accept your religion or your party’s ideology without success. In spite of efforts, you continue to fail; nobody listens to you; nobody seems to like you or your religion. They hate you, and you wonder why.

Your attitude may be the problem!

People will not like you if you cannot tolerate them. They will not like you if you force your views on them. Allow people to analyze what you tell them; allow them the freedom to decide to agree or disagree with you. When you are wrong, admit it; do not be angry when people tell you that you are wrong. Do not be on the defensive when you are wrong. Allow them to explain or express their views.

Respect people’s opinions; be polite when you disagree with their opinions. Learn to listen to people when they express themselves and tell you what they want. Do not be like religious militants who do not listen to other people’s opinions .

Don’t be insulting. Don’t make people’s lives miserable. 

“Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity,” Psalm 133:1.

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Dining together in love and unity  (Queens Bible Church, New York)

It is incompatible with the character of the God of mercy to kill innocent and helpless people. Therefore, do not project a deity that is always angry and murderous.

  1. The God of peace and mercy loves all the time. He persuades and gently leads people to the truth.
  2. Instead of killing, the God of peace and love gives life and happiness.

When you are sarcastic, you make people angry.

Sarcasm makes it difficult for people to listen when you express your views. Sarcasm does not win empathy or understanding.

  • Your body language might make your suggestions or responses appear insulting.
  • A vicious personality portrays you as a violent person.
  • You can’t convince people that your religion is peaceful when you are hostile and attack people who disagree with you.

Queens Bible Church, New York

 

 

 

 

 

Violent behaviors and murderous actions are some reasons people may see you as evil and murderous.
Remember that you can win people to your cause without being violent or angry.

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Power of Persuasion… Part 3

Learn to use the power of persuasion

Residents flee Hohoe violence
News report on conflict – Ghana

You can learn to use the power of peaceful persuasion to attract listeners.

It begins as a desire in your mind.  As you think and act you become. Jesus said,

“Therefore, I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.” (Mark 11:24; New King James Version)

Proverbs 23:7 says, “For as he thinketh in his heart so is he.”

The seat of emotions (the amygdala) in the brain plays a significant role in controlling  the physical effects associated with feeling and action.

Our emotions can also make us react before the part of the brain responsible for thinking and evaluation is able to check on the reasonableness of our reaction. Angry and violent people follow their emotions; they react impulsively in anger. Some end up murdering or doing horrible things, as in the case of suicide bombers and religious militants. Some spouses, too, commit atrocious deeds when they are angry.

“He who is slow to wrath has great understanding, but he who is impulsive exalts folly,” (Proverbs 14:29; New King James Version)

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Scientific studies on the mind and the human brain agree with the Bible that we can be transformed by the renewing of our mind (Romans 12:2).

Harry Mills, Ph.D., points out that “No one is born with a chronic anger problem. Rather, chronic anger and aggressive response styles are learned.” He explains further that,

“Children growing up in a household where one parent constantly berates and belittles the other learn to berate and belittle themselves, and then often recreate this behavior when they grow up and enter into relationships by berating and belittling their partners.” (Harry Mills, Ph.D., Anger Styles Are Learned, mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php)

Violent and angry people can retrain and reframe their minds and learn to become peaceful.

You need to constantly affirm your desire; repeating them daily. Your affirmations will affect your behavior and determination.

Muhammad Ali, regarded as the greatest in boxing history, was fantastic and ruled the ring for many years. He called himself the greatest and told the world that he was the greatest, even while he was striving to excel and had not yet become the world champion.  He said,

“It’s the repetition of affirmations that leads to beliefs. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen.”

Medical science reveals that the brain restructures itself and adapts according to the repetitions of actions. The brain recognizes repetitions as patterns, which eventually lead to habit formation. Repeating actions will eventually make them happen automatically or almost automatically.

Listening and making people listen is not difficult for many. Many do not know how to encourage people to listen
Listening to people and making people listen is difficult for many. Many do not know how to encourage people to listen

How to make people listen to you

  • Listen carefully and show interest in what they say.
  •  Do not argue, and do not force them to accept your views.
  • Do not strive to prove them wrong. Do not attack their views; you will indirectly make them dislike you.
  • Do not defend and do not debate. Discuss rather than instruct.
  • See your opponent as a friend and not an antagonist.
  • Listen to their objections and address them candidly. If you refuse to listen to them they, too, will not listen to you.
  • Tolerate and don’t be sarcastic in your remarks.
  • Smile …. don’t be angry.

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To be continued