How to make people listen to you, and how to make people accept your message … Part 2

How long have you been battling with the question of “how to make people listen to you”?

Do you struggle with the question of “how to make people accept your message”?

Do you get angry and frustrated when people reject your message?

Do you use the frontal attack as religious militants do?
Market street scene
The frontal attack is combative.

It attacks the listener in the guise of providing information, and triggers a fight response from the listener. It is aggressive in approach and invites same in response. 

It is the method militants use. It is not peaceful, and has no touch of love. It is brutal and does not consider the feelings and rights of others.

Never use the frontal attack; use the reverse method

Explain the benefits of what you are offering. Make the listener see how he or she will benefit. Do not force the listener. Let him or her decide; let him or her choose willingly.  People want to choose what they want, and what they think will benefit them.

The Samaritan woman Jesus met by the well had lived a life of a whore; she had lived with five different people. At the time Jesus met her, she was living with a sixth man, (John 4:17-18). She needed spiritual deliverance.
However, Jesus knew that the existing enmity between the Jews and the Samaritans could make it difficult for her to listen to Him. He, therefore, used the reverse method. He asked her for water. When she reminded Jesus that Jews and Samaritans did not talk to each other, Jesus ignored the remark, and rather stated her spiritual need.
Jesus told her,

“If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who is saying to you, ‘Please give me a drink,’ you would have been the one to ask him, and he would have given you living water.” (International Standard Version)

Jesus used ‘water’ to get the woman’s attention. Water was her need at that time. She wondered how Jesus would give her  living water when He had no bucket to draw water; besides, moments ago He had asked her for water to drink. Jesus was using a strategy to engage her to talk back so He could explain to her the spiritual gift He had for her. If Jesus had started by telling her He wanted to give her a gift, she would have ignored Him.

When she retorted, Jesus ignored her sarcasm and rather emphasized on her spiritual need. She became interested in the special water that could “become a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.” (John 4:14)
He was offering the woman eternal life by using what she valued at the time -‘water’. He got her undivided attention. She was no more thinking about the enmity between Jews and Samaritans. She was now willing to receive from a Jew.
She said,

“Sir, give me this water that I may not thirst, nor come here to draw water.” (John 4:15)

Jesus now had to make her confess her life of sin. Again, He refrained from using the frontal method. He did not tell her, “You must confess your sin before I can give you this water.” That would have provoked her. She would have called other Samaritans to come and see a Jew who had the audacity to come to the city of Samaritans and insult a Samaritan. Angry Samaritans would have come out to lynch that Jew.
He told her to go and bring her husband, though He knew she had no husband. The woman on her own volition confessed that she had no husband. By her confession she  gave Jesus the opportunity to remind her the number of men she had lived with.

That was a powerful revelation

She wondered, “How can this man know my secret life? Is He a prophet?” She answered back, “Sir, I perceive that You are a prophet.” She proceeded to talk about worship and the disagreement between Jews and Samaritans, providing Jesus the opportunity to teach her.
After listening to Jesus expound on worship and spirituality, and telling her He was the Messiah, she became convinced. She left her water pot, went her way into the city, and told other Samaritans about the stranger who could be the Christ; her testimony drew the people to Jesus.

People will listen to you if you articulate your views convincingly
Do not use force as the Boko Haram, Al-Shabaab, ISIS, Al-Qaeda, and other religious militants are doing
Aftermath of Boko Haram Islamic militants attack and destruction of a village and a Christian church in northern Nigeria
Aftermath of Boko Haram Islamic militant attack and destruction of a village and a Christian church in northern Nigeria

 

  • Do not attack people when they do not readily respond to your message
  • Show them the beauty of your cause, not the ugliness and hatred of your cause
  • Patiently discuss how the listener stands to gain when he or she accepts what you are offering.

(Read “Murder and rape in God’s name… God’s Executioners on the loose.”)

The Almighty God, the all Powerful One, does not compel people. Why should you? He says, “Come now, and let us reason together…” (Isaiah 1:18).

 

Power of Persuasion…. Part 1

The Power of Persuasion: How and Why

Islamic Militants may not know that  persuasion has tremendous power to convince listeners.

  • Jesus taught His followers to use persuasion
  • He showed them how to win without attacking their opponents

(We shall discuss how to win without attacking as we progress.)

WINNING WITHOUT ATTACKING
Paper (Hard Copy) version of “Persuasion is Better Than Force.”

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Jesus demonstrated the power of persuasion when He communicated with hostile or difficult people.

The Samaritan woman had lived with several men. She needed salvation. However, because of the hostility  between Jews and Samaritans, Jesus knew she would not accept the truth from Him, a Jew. Jesus, therefore, started a friendly dialogue to make her talk to Him. She was surprised that a Jew would ask a Samaritan water to drink. Jesus ignored her remark and dealt directly on her spiritual need.

He led her patiently to the point where she could assimilate the truth and admit her  sins. With enmity out of the way, and Jesus now a friend, she could ask for the living water that Jesus said He had.

Abraham Lincoln said, “I conquer my enemies when I make them my friends.”
Proverbs 15:2 says, “The tongue of the wise uses knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools pours out foolishness.”

Coercion, hate and violence do not win people’s sympathy.

Militants use violence to promote their religion, and yet they claim they promote a peaceful God and a peaceful religion.

  • The Bible presents a tolerant and peaceful way
  • Jesus told His disciples to use persuasion

Jesus gives true peace…

” Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” (John 14:27: New King James Version)

Christ’s Spirit makes us tolerant

Before he became a Christian, Paul persecuted Christians. But when he became a Christian, he learned the way of the Master Jesus – persuasion.

Why militants can’t tolerate others

They were trained from childhood, by their parents, peers and community leaders, to express themselves through violence. They were not allowed to exercise their own freewill to accept God, but were forced to do so.

Growing up in such environments, they copied the violent behaviors of those who influenced them, and became violent. When they fail to convince people, they become frustrated and end up attacking people. They call their violence ‘peace,‘ because that is how they know peace to be.

John Locke said,
“…true and saving religion consists in the inward persuasion of the mind, without which nothing can be acceptable to God.” (John Locke, A Letter Concerning Toleration. Buffalo, New York: Prometheus Books, 1990; page 20)

Rockerybell

Read Rockeybell’s testimonyhttp://www.peacemakersteam.com/rockeybells-testimony.html

Jesus exhibited a perfect spirit of tolerance.

The disciples were angry with some Samaritans who would not allow Jesus into their city. They wanted to call fire from heaven to consume the Samaritans just as Elijah did in 2 Kings 1:9-12. Jesus rebuked them, and said, “You do not know what manner of spirit you are of. For the Son of Man did not come to destroy men’s lives but to save them.” So they went to another village.” (Luke 9:51-56)

Jesus said,
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.” (Matthew 5:43-45; New King James Version).

We hear of Boko Haram killing innocent people – destroying towns and villages. Yet we know that the Almighty God is peaceful and loving. They abduct women, and rape some of them. Can the victims accept that Boko Haram presents peace?

People will, therefore, continue believing that Boko Haram, Al-Qaeda, Al-Shabaab, and all militants are violent.

To be continued

Welcome to “Conquering Without Being Violent.”

Conquering Without Being Violent  WIN WITHOUT ATTACKING  Conquering Without Being Violent 001

Can Violent Militants Change?

Daily we read of Islamic militants (Al-Qaeda, Al-Shabaab, Boko Haram, ISIS, etc.), The Lord’s Resistance Army, and suicide bombers using violence to press home their demands. They attack and kill innocent people as they force their decisions and beliefs on them.
School pupils explode in anger and shoot their colleague pupils and teachers.
Islamic militants abduct girls from schools in rural African communities, claiming their religion does not allow females to have education. They rape some of them, impregnating them in the process, and eventually sell them or compel them to marry men the girls do not love.

A loving God does not use hate to make people love Him

“Conquering Without Being Violent” discusses how persuasion convinces people rather than force.
Abraham Lincoln said, we conquer our enemies when we make them our friends.
Jesus told His followers never to use force to make people accept their views. He told His followers to love their enemies; not to hate them.

Topics to discuss on this platform include:

  1. Engaging  people in peaceful dialog
  2. Disagreeing without being offensive
  3. Defending without being polemical

You can conquer by persuasion without being violent

Do you get angry easily?
Are you violent in your reactions?
Do you want to form a new loving and patient habit?
Do you want to turn enemies into friends?

Discussions will include:

  • Using gentle ways in presenting views.
  • Training our angry emotions to calm down in angry situations.
  • Helping the brutish husband to learn to listen.
  • Helping a disrespectful child to learn to listen and obey.
  • Helping the cantankerous wife to learn to listen.
  • Helping the opinionated boss to learn listen to other views.

Truth should be able to persuade and draw people to one’s cause

A person who is persuaded to abandon his or her position voluntarily, will see it as his or her own decision; he or she does not feel coerced.

Is there hope for the chronically angry person?

Why do some people get angry easily?
Can the violent person change?
Can the hot-tempered person change?

Can we control our emotions?