Winning without being violent – conquering by love and patience without hating

Winning without being violent and conquering by love and patience makes the world peaceful.

We can win without being violent. We can conquer by love and patience without hating. We do not have to win by violence.

Proverbs 25:15 says, “By long forbearance, a ruler is persuaded, and a gentle tongue breaks a bone.”

By Long Forbearance A Ruler Is Persuaded, And A Gentle Tongue Breaks A Bone (Proverbs 25:15)

Using persuasion takes time. Therefore, violent and impatient people do not want to take that route. Impatient people want immediate results.

Persuasion wins without the ugly consequences associated with violence. It avoids deaths, injuries, and destruction of properties associated with violence.

Jesus taught us to love, to tolerate, and to forgive.

We can’t use hate to make people like us. The more we hate, the more people dislike us and eventually hate us. We convert even our hostile enemies into loving people when they become our friends.

Win without being violent. Conquering by love and patience without hate makes our world peaceful. Therefore, Abraham Lincoln said, “I conquer my enemies when I make them my friends.”

I Conquer My Enemies When I Make Them My Friends (Abraham Lincoln)

Jesus met a Samaritan woman by a well (John4:5-43). The woman was antagonistic and sarcastic.

The situation between the Jews and the Samaritans at the time was almost at the boiling point of hatred. The Samaritan woman saw hate, anger, and vengeance, and so focused on hate, anger, and vengeance. But Jesus ignored her antagonistic stance and took a peaceful approach. Jesus felt the time had come for hate to end. It was time to banish hate by sowing seeds of love. Jesus, therefore, reached out to her with love.

Initially, the Samaritan woman was antagonistic in her response. She reminded Jesus that the situation between the Jews and the Samaritans was hate and anger.

Jesus continued to engage her with love, striving to turn her into a friend. Eventually, Jesus won her confidence and friendship.

We live in an age of hate and violence. People nurture hate and instill anger and hate into their offspring. They train their children to grow up hating people who disagree with them.

Jesus used the story of the Good Samaritan to teach us how we should love and help people. (Luke 10:25-37).

We may disagree with what others like or say. Nevertheless, we should allow them to express their views. We should not be angry when people disagree with our views.

It is right to be unhappy about negative things people say about us or do. However, we should control our emotions not to respond physically and violently. Violent reactions indirectly and wrongly provide proof for the perception that we are angry and violent.

Love conquers

Love Conquers, But Selfishness Prevents Us From Loving
Love Conquers

Some people express their feelings through anger and violence. Jesus, however, taught us not to return violence for violence.

In many parts of Africa, communities in rural areas have suffered economic depravity because of conflicts. Economic progress eludes these communities because investors are afraid to invest in such communities. Even indigenes of the communities prefer to invest in other communities rather than in their own.

Terrorists use violence to coerce people.

On September 21, 2013, a group of armed terrorists, the al-Qaeda-linked al-Shabaab, forcefully entered the Westgate Mall in Nairobi’s Parklands area and unleashed senseless violence upon customers and workers.

The al-Shabaab’s quarrel was with the government of Kenya, not with the ordinary people or the shoppers. Yet they unleashed their anger on innocent people who had no part in their quarrel. They thought their actions could coerce the Kenyan Government to kowtow to their demands.

The Westgate Mall massacre, by 2 pm September 22, claimed the lives of 67 people and wounded at least 175. One thousand people were rescued.

What happened in Kenya on September 21, 2013, was similar to what happened in the US on Tuesday, September 11, 2001, when a series of four coordinated terrorist attacks were launched by the Islamic terrorist group, al-Qaeda, upon the United States in New York City, and Washington, D.C. metropolitan area.

Terrorists pick on helpless people while those they have disputes with are untouched. Yet terrorists do not consider that.

Suicide bombers express their grievances by killing innocent and helpless people.

Religious militants attack and kill helpless people to get the attention of governments.

But their actions make people hate them. People do not sympathize with those who hurt them.

Conquer by persuading or by convincing people. Do not use force.

A German proverb says, “Patience is a bitter plant, but it has sweet fruit.” A similar one, “Patience is bitter, but it bears sweet fruit,” has been quoted by some as of Turkish origin, while others have attributed it to Aristotle, or to Jean Jacques Rousseau.

Jesus Christ taught Christians to express their views or beliefs by love. He told Christians, “Love your enemies and do good to those who hate you.”

Jesus used persuasion to win people’s love. He spoke to their conscience. In the face of provocations, Jesus always remained calm and discussed issues so convincingly that his opponents could not ignore them.

A woman was accused of committing adultery and brought before Jesus. The accusers reminded Jesus that the Law of Moses demanded that anyone who committed adultery must be stoned to death.

Jesus did not engage them in a lengthy argument. He did not try to talk to them to forgive the woman. Jesus said, “Anyone among you who has never committed any sin should throw the first stone.”

They all walked away without hurting the woman. Jesus turned to the woman and told her that he, too, was not going to condemn her. However, he advised her to go and sin no more. Though Jesus did not condone what she did and did not condemn her, he told her not to repeat the sin.

Do not allow your emotions to blind your reasoning. With patience, you can use persuasion to make people understand your point and accept your suggestions or views. Persuasion does not force people. If you use persuasion properly, people will not realize you are actually making them do what you want.

You may use force to get what you want. But you would live with the fear that your opponents may hurt you for revenge. You may conquer your opponents by using force and make them serve you. But that will not make them love you.

Violence breeds violence and reprisals. And that can continue without end.

Agree to sit at the negotiating table with your opponent to discuss an amicable end to the conflict or disagreement.

Anger is a difficult emotion to control. Angry people may think they are right when they are actually wrong. Anger overshadows their reasoning.

Many people are egoistic and care only about themselves. Anger, hate, and unforgiveness are always on their minds. They will hurt people and do anything to achieve their aims. They are unforgiving, insulting, sarcastic, and violent. They love hurting people with their words.

We read in Proverbs 12:18, “There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health.” (NKJV)

Our emotions can affect how we process our decisions. Anger can make us make wrong decisions.

In Ephesians 4:22-29, we learn that we should renew the spirit of the mind by putting on the new personality. We must shun anger and all evil practices by living and practicing good deeds.

Uncontrolled anger inspires an aggressive response. When we are angry, what comes first to mind is to fight or attack.

Express your anger assertively without being aggressive. Don’t attack people if you are not happy with what they say. Calmly explain to people how they are not treating you fairly.

We must always remember to control our internal responses to be calm.

Practicing makes action becomes ingrained in the mind and transforms it into habit
Practicing makes action perfect

If you feed your mind with new thoughts and act on them, they will eventually become patterns of behavior. Your new mentality directs you to do things differently.

We, therefore, have the capacity to change. Our habits are the routines of behaviors we repeated regularly until they became embedded in our subconscious mind.

The first step to take to stop being angry is to delay reacting in anger. Seneca said, “The greatest remedy for anger is delay.”

Proverbs 16:32 says, “He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” (NKJV)

Our attitudes define our happiness.

We are the architects of the peace in our communities.

We can win without being violent.

Persuasion Is Better Than Force

Power of Persuasion… Part 4… Conclusion

Winning by persuasion

Persuasion and Peace
                 Persuasion and Peace

Jesus demonstrated the power of persuasion when He communicated with hostile or difficult people

A Samaritan woman had lived with several men. She needed salvation. Jesus knew the woman would not accept the truth from Him because of the hostility between the Jews and the Samaritans. He, therefore, started a friendly dialogue to make her talk to Him.

She was surprised that a Jew would ask a Samaritan water to drink. Jesus ignored her remark and dealt directly on her spiritual need.

He led her patiently, with persuasion, to the point where she could assimilate the truth and admit her sins.

With enmity out of the way, and Jesus now a friend, she could ask for the living water that Jesus said He had. Through that woman,  the rest of the Samaritans came to hear Jesus, and believed in Him (John 4:5-42).

Abraham Lincoln asked, “Am I not conquering my enemies when I make them my friends?”

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What the Qur’an also says about compelling people        

 “And whoever strives, he strives only for himself. Verily, Allah stands not in need of any of the ‘Alamin (mankind, jinn and all that exists)…” (29:6; The Noble Qur’an: English translation of the Meanings and Commentary.)

Again we read,

“And had your Lord willed, those on earth would have believed, all of them together. So, will you (O Muhammad) then compel mankind, until they become believers? It is not for any person to believe, except by the leave of Allah, and he will put the wrath on those who are heedless.” (10:99-100)

Why then do militants compel people to accept their religion?

Proverbs 15:2 says, “The tongue of the wise uses knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools pours out foolishness.”

Tenzuk FestivalCoercion, hate and violence do not win people’s sympathy.

Militants use violence to promote their religion, and yet they claim they promote a peaceful God, and a peaceful religion.

  • The New Testament presents a tolerant and peaceful way
  • Jesus asked His followers to use persuasion

Jesus said we must not pray for the destruction of our enemies. We should rather pray that they do not succeed in their evil ways. I pray that evil people will change and become good and peaceful children of God.

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The Bible way of treating enemies

When the Syrian army came to capture Elisha, he prayed and they became  blind and helpless. Elisha asked the King not to kill them, but feed, treat them well, and send them safely back to their home country (2 Kings 6:8-23).

Jesus would not allow His disciples to call fire on the Samaritans. They wanted to do as Elijah did (2 Kings 1:9-12).  Jesus told them the Spirit of the Christian (of the New Testament)  is not the same as the Old Testament (Luke 9:51-56). The Spirit in the Christian is loving and forgiving; Christians are to love even their worst enemies.

Learn to listen even when you disagree with people

We like to listen to what we agree with. However, we should also learn to listen to what we disagree with. We learn a lot about the person who is speaking when we listen; we learn why he or she is angry or why he or she has a different view.

Neuropsychologists (and neuroscientists) explain that, when we are alone and speaking to ourselves, one part of the brain speaks while the other part listens.

We must, therefore, learn to listen.

Angry people do not like listening to people; they want to speak while everyone else listens to them. If you do not listen to people, people will also not want to listen to you.

Effective listening starts with learning to respect other people’s views
  • Do not argue, do not debate, and do not force your views on people.
  • Do not strive to prove them wrong. Do not attack their views; you will indirectly make them dislike you.
  • Discuss; do not give instructions. Explain and give valid reasons.
  • Be friendly. See your opponent as a friend and not an antagonist.
  • Listen to their objections and address them candidly.
  • Tolerate and don’t be sarcastic in your remarks.
  • Smile …. don’t be angry.
Persuade; do not force

John Locke said,

“The care, therefore, of every man’s soul belongs unto himself, and is to be left unto himself…. No man can be forced to be rich or healthful, whether he will or no. Nay, God Himself will not save men against their wills.” (John Locke, A Letter Concerning Toleration; Prometheus Books, Buffalo, 1990, page 35)

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How Christianity wins without attacking

Winning without attacking people

WE CONQUER WITHOUT VIOLENCE
  • Violent, intolerant people become angry when they fail to convince people to accept their views.
  • Angry husbands brutalize their wives and children when they are unable to make them accept their views.
  • Religious militants attack people and force their religions on them.

Compelling people to accept your views will not make them love you

Jesus taught His followers to use peaceful persuasion.

Aesop illustrates  this in a fable, the North Wind and the Sun.

The North Wind and the Sun argued about who was stronger. They agreed to try their powers upon a traveler, to see who could strip him of his cloak. The North Wind, gathering up all his force, came whirling furiously down upon the man, and caught up his cloak to wrest it from him; but the harder he blew, the more closely the man wrapped it round himself. Failing, he called upon the Sun to see what he, too, could do.

At first, the Sun beamed gently and warmly upon the traveler. The traveler, feeling the genial rays of the sun took off his garment, and walked with it hanging loosely on his shoulders. The Sun continued gradually until he finally released his full strength. At last, the man, overcome with heat, undressed and bathed in a stream that lay in his path, before completing his journey, more lightly clad.

When the Wind tried to wrest the cloak from the traveler, he fought back; on the other hand, when the Sun suggested that it was uncomfortable for him to wear his cloak in that heat, the man accepted the suggestion.

Convincing the listener is  more effective in winning a person

Do not compel people to believe.  Jesus said,

“But whatever city you enter, and they do not receive you, go out into its streets and say, ‘The very dust of your city which clings to us we wipe off against you. Nevertheless know this that the kingdom of God has come near you.’ But I say to you that it will be more tolerable in that Day for Sodom than for that city.” (Luke 10:10-12)

Biblical Christianity is non-violent

God has tremendous power to control people’s minds to worship Him. Yet, He has chosen not to do so. Being a loving God, He does not send suicide bombers to kill innocent people.

Why do Islamic militants prefer using force to make others accept their views?

The Qur’an, in 29:6, says, “And whoever strives, he strives only for himself. Verily, Allah stands not in need of any of the ‘Alamin (mankind, jinn and all that exists)…” (The Noble Qur’an: English translation of the Meanings and Commentary.)

The Qur’an emphatically declares that, “There is no compulsion in religion,” (2:256)

Again we read,

“And had your Lord willed, those on earth would have believed, all of them together. So, will you (O Muhammad) then compel mankind, until they become believers? It is not for any person to believe, except by the leave of Allah, and he will put the wrath on those who are heedless.” (10:99-100)

Why then do Muslim militants compel people to worship Allah?

Suicide bombers attack and kill people because they believe that when they die in the attacks, they will gain paradise. The militants, therefore, do not commit the atrocities on God’s behalf.

  • Jesus used love and persuasion to win Zacchaeus, (Luke 19:1-10)
  • He used persuasion to make the Samaritan woman understand Him, (John 4:7-30)
  • He said, “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you; bless those who curse you and pray for those who spitefully use you,” (Luke 6:27-28)

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Christianity wins without attacking
Christianity wins by love. Jesus taught us to win without attacking.

True and saving religion should have the power to appeal

Genuine religion should be able to persuade and draw people to itself. When we use force we rather emphasize the negative judgments people have formed of us.

Killing innocent people, and abducting defenseless girls and women in the name of God does not help promote God’s cause.

Burning villages and churches, and killing Christians and people who do not accept their religions rather make the victims to hate the attackers and their religions.

We present a wicked, hardhearted God when we are intolerant and violent.

Winning Without Attacking
Rockeybell speaking on “How to communicate with hostile people.”

The Christian God is non-violent

  • The Christian God loves
  • He is truly compassionate.
  • He does not terrorize people.

Share your views with us on winning without fighting, and how can we make the world peaceful.

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